Thursday, December 19, 2013

Fixing Fixation

The best and worst advice I have ever received is, "The devil is in the details". The chef I worked for back when I started this blog hammered that idea into my head. When used appropriately?  Works splendidly.  However, I have been finding myself getting fixated on things that honestly need to wait, or that are less than important in the grand scheme of things.

When I started my business plan, I made a timeline for what I needed to accomplish in order to work on the next item on my agenda. I would dedicate one day a week to completeing a chunk, and be finished by early January. Week 1 went off without a hitch,  even got ahead of the game for week 2. Then week 2 came. The chunk I intended to complete was writing a menu and then costing out the recipes. Menus were written, but I had no idea how to start costing without accurate wholesale pricelists. My brain was telling me,  "No, you HAVE to finish this! You can't DO anything else until you get this DONE." So I fixated. And I wasted valuable time. I let myself get 2 1/2 weeks behind before I even looked at my plan materials again and came across my checklist.  Right then, looking at is with fresh eyes, I realized- I can (and have) asked some of my restaurant management friends for price lists. And while I wait for them to deliver? I can do other things.

Especially since the rest of the list is freaking easy in comparison.  All of the financials are easily the most important part,  but it's all a matter of collecting data and filling in appropriate tables. The rest is as simple as writing an operations manual, training timelines, quick analysis blurbs- all of which I have been doing in my off time at home. There was never any reason for me to save it all for one day a week. I should never have let the menu become as much of a hassle as it did. Thankfully, I am back on track.  Possibly even ahead of schedule!  Very excited for January, when I start doing the fun stuff for it!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Ho ho hell yeah holiday!

I can't remember the last time I was so excited for the holidays. After 5 years of living in Atlanta,  my family is spending Christmas her! With me! I've been north once for Christmas,  but I have never had the opportunity to see all of the people I love here at one time. I am so happy I'm not only getting a real Christmas tree, but I'm actually deep cleaning my house. :D And frankly,  that has been needed since I moved into the damn place. My family was good enough to get a hotel room, but there is no freaking way I'm making my nephew open gifts in his hotel room. I can't wait!
Even better, they're going to be in town long enough for me to take them to Proof & Provision,  my favorite bar ever. Ironically,  in the past week I have managed to meet more employees from there and the Georgian Terrace Hotel in general,  so not only will this holiday season be fantastic,  but my birthday in March? Going to be goddamn epic. So excited. Even better? J's coming to visit this evening.  I am damn near retarded I am so happy.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Progress

Well, after a harrowing two weeks of intensive,  mind-straining study, I have passed my final exams for service at the wine bar!  Of course, I managed to do better at the alcohol portion of the damn test, but were I to repeat it,  I'm sure I'd be equally better at both! Awfully hard to concentrate when I'm distracted by kitchen chatter. Nonetheless!  I can now dedicate my free time to my German studies and my business plan. I'm falling behind little by little onthe plan, and I am not happy about that,

On the bright side,  my older brother reminded me of family connections that could get me in touch with the extended family we still have in Germany.  Somehow, I had utterly forgotten about them, even though it was they who got me started on this crusade to an extent in the first place. So, I shot them a message earlier today/yesterday, hopefully they will get back to me soon.

I am finding it a bit silly how things are coming together lately. I am the eternal optimist, but I have had so much awful luck (both self-imposed and random) over the past few years,  it's hard to come to terms with it. I keep expecting the rug to get yanked out from under me!  I guess keeping me on my toes is what is keeping me successful at this rate. So we'll tread on! And kick  ass! Jahwohl!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Competitive Edge

The past week, I have learned that I am faaaar more competitive than I thought I was.  I also learned that apparently,  people close to me weren't suprised at all. Crazy how you perceive yourself vs how the world sees you, right?

I guess I had blinders on because I am selectively competitive. I never bothered with sports because to me, they seemed stupid and pointless. Funny story: the stuff I get competitive over now? Pretty much stupid as hell. Work contests to sell the most beer, passing training with flying colors and being a better smartypants know-it-all than anyone else? I am ALL OVER that. I go for what my brain sees as the "sure win", something I am 100% sure I can do. And if I fail? I get snotty and pretend that I don't care. Yeah, I'm a pretty sore loser, haha.

What's even dumber? I have a tendency to do that when it comes to guys, too. I actively engage with guys I want, but if I get the feeling they aren't into me? I drop them into the friendzone faster than a stripper's bra hits the floor. I demand equal chase ffrom them, and when it doesn't happen, well, what's the point? On the one hand, it means I will probably be single for a looooong time. On the other, isn't it better to hold a potential partner to a higher standard than people you would be friends with?  I love my friends,  but I don't want to marry them. The One has to step up his or her game. I don't need them to be a superhero, but they had better be able to distinguish themself. I want the best,  and I'm not afraid to ask for it.

... Seriously, how did I not know how competitive I am??

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Homey Homies

I recently had the pleasure of cooking with a friend.  Not, I-cook-for-him or He-cooks-for-me, but an actual collaboration meal that we planned together,  shopped for, and executed as a team. I can't remember the last time I did that. I forgot how nice it was. 

It really hit home why I enjoy food so much- aside from the incredible flavors you can unearth,  it brings people together. I'm far too lazy to do any kind of real study, but I doubt I would be remiss in saying that people who live to eat vs eat to live are exponentially happier.

Plus, cooking together is just plain fun! Nobody is bored, and conversation doesn't stop. Add wine, and it damn near becomes a party. This entire experience has made me happy enough that, when I am in a position to do so again, "family meals" are going to be a regular occurrence at my place. Friends, family, train hoppers- whoever has time and is hungry will be welcome at my table. No exception. 

In the meantime, I find myself working crazy hours this weekend, so Saturday night/eeeeearly Sunday morning when I got home, I threw a crapload of stuff in a crockpot I found at Salvation Army for $3. I'm calling it SoCo Stewp.

Stewp is what I'm calling the watery stews my father specialized in.  Stew-soup, get it? This particular one is made with:

1 lb stew beef
1 russet potato, small diced
2 long celery stalks, sliced small
2 roma tomatoes,  diced
1 cup of grated carrot
1/2 medium white onion, small diced
1 qt veal stock
Juuuuust enough water to cover all of the ingredients
Salt to taste
Lemon pepper to taste
1 oz Southern Comfort 100 Proof

Directions:

1. Gather all of your shit together that you'll need
2. Put it all in the crockpot
3. Keep the crock pot on high heat for 2 hours, then go work or fuck off for 14 hours with that sucker on low heat. Stewp's done when the potato pieces are tender and or mushy. Again, to taste.

Simple, pretty basic, and the booze gives it complexity and me an excuse to get rid of that godawful liquor. Everyone wins!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Working hard! (For once...)

So it occurred to me that I probably ought to use this blog not only as a venting space, but also as something of progressing joiurnal of the creation of my pub. I have read countless chef memoirs and books that make a vague mention of 'how hard' it is, and many chefs and owners I know personally will tell you straight up that it took them years to get up and running. However,  I have never talked to an entrepreneur who was able to reminisce and give me even the vaguest of timelines. Even myself, personally,  when I tell people I'm optimistic about opening in 2016, I get asked, "why are you waiting so long?"

Here's the reality- I'm not waiting.  This pub is the result of 4 years of brainstorming already,  I've just finally gotten to a place where I am mentally prepared to take the plunge and really, truly work on it. And it is WORK.

You may first wonder, why did it take you so long to brainstorm? Frankly,  when I first got the inclination to start a place, I only had the vaguest idea of what I wanted to do. It would have been like trying to build a house on a jell-o foundation,  and it would have failed miserably.  It took me time to gather new experiences,  try a variety of different bars and restaurants to find what I truly enjoyed, and really solidify my concept. Then came the paperwork part.

I despise paperwork.  Love writing, haaaaaate business-y official documentation.  It's boring. And doing research?  Blows. I spent 11 hours on Tuesday writing up the introduction to my business plan and researching potential menu items and formats. This week, I'm going to wind up spending another 11 hours copying recipes and costing them to start creating a mock budget. And that's still only maybe 1/8th of the plan. This is a massive headache,  but I keep telling myself it'll be worth it.  Atlanta needs my place.
Got this. :)

Monday, November 18, 2013

Brain Drain

Life is just such a crazy amazeballs clusterfuck sometimes! And I am willing to admit a large portion of that may be because I am a bit of a goddamn lunatic.
For starters,  dating.  Jesus christ I haven't been single long and I am sick of it already. I'm tired of meeting people,  I'm tired of building connections that go nowhere, and more than anything else I am sick of not having someone to call and be my sounding board. I want to get married,  dammit. More than anything,  I want to marry the man that knows all the good and bad about me, and can put up with me when I freak out and calls me out when I'm being a bitch. He exists, I know he does, I just need him to reveal himself before I go on another godawful date wih another sadsack of a human being.

Can I sound any more like a Bitter Single Girl? Probably,  but nobody wants to read that. I'll get over it and be fine soon enough, but sometimes you just need to vent! Honestly, life is pretty good for me right now.  Passed my trail- I start training at the wine bar on Saturday night. They have thw coolest hiring procedure- the staff has the final hiring decision,  not the management. Frankly, it makes a lot of sense if you think about it- restaurant managers don't work with the servers and bartenders as closely as they do with each other.  So isn't it better if your coworkers decide if they can put up with you day in and day out? It's brilliant,  and a strategy I intend to implement in my place when it gets up and running.

As for my future place, things are moving in a very positive direction!  I fully believe that it will be operational by 2016. Good things! I will be posting more of the nitty-gritty details in the upcoming year! 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

W(h)ining

There is something to be said for intimidation in the restaurant industry.  It has the potential to be a dealbreaker,  or for the truly insane among us, a motivator. Whena person clearly has more knowledge than I do,  and who isn't afraid to let me know that he or she knows I'm full of shit and they aren't buying it, it rattles me. A lot. It doesn't happen often,  especially in the professional arena. So when it does? I take notice. Because much like cough syrup, after you get that first nasty bit out of the way, it helps you get better.
I have been looking for part time work to supplement my income recently.  Today I applied at an upscale wine bar. I am more than willing to admit, while I am a fan of wine and drink it fairly frequently,  I am by no means an expert. However,  I'm usually on point enough with other alcohol knowledge to deflect that. Nooooot today. Once I finished my application,  I was sat down for an initial interview.  And proceeded to mentally get smacked around by a professional. By the time all was said and done,  I felt like Robert Parker pushed me in the playground and kicked sand in my eyes.
But all in all? Worth it. I'm trailing there on Monday. It's not a guarantee of a job, but it is an opportunity I don't intend to waste!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Stewed Mood

Got into a developmental mood last night. Decided it was time to work on my German cooking again and test out a recipe that I haven't tried before.  So, I busted out my Culinaria: German book, called up my hungry friend, and grabbed wine.

Decided to do a recipe based out of a region of Germany called North Rhine-Westphalia. The dish? Münsterländer Töttchen, aka Münsterland Veal Stew.  I picked it because for one, the ingredient list is relatively easy to find products. Two, I will readily admit I usually suck at making stew. In the past, I generally wind up with crappy thin soup with stringy, tough meat much like my father does. I wanted to see if I am genetically predisposed to shitty stew-making. For a side item, I chose spätzle, egg noodles I made time and time again when I worked in a German kitchen. The biggest difference with that would be instead of using an arm-busting noodle press like I had in the past, I would be attempting to use an old-fashioned "shaving" method.

The stew had me start off by essentially making a quick veal stock. Simple enough. Carrots, celery, onion, a bit of parsley and green onion simmering with some veal for an hour or so- child's play. The oddest part about that was the recipe called for the onion to be 'spiked' with one bay leaf and two cloves. What the fuck is a spiked onion? The book didn't say and Google just wanted to give me soup recipes, so I opted to just throw the cloves and bay leaf in with the rest of the stock veg.

While that was working,  I got my spätzle dough together.  Spätzle is a very simple noodle, just eggs, flour, a smidge of spices and salt, and water. The kicker is that the dough has to be incredibly thick and sticky, which can make it a beast to work with and a bitch to clean up. My dough ready, I got a pot of very salty water boiling and began to attempt to shave the dough off a wet cutting board to create noodles.  It was doable, but what a load of crap. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I would much rather use the arm-buster. Shaving resulted in a lot of inconsistent sizing, which made pan frying later a bit sketchy. Anyway,  once the dough hit the water, it only took a couple minutes for it to cook and float to the top. Skimming the noodles out, I dropped them into a mixing bowl with ice in it to keep them from overcooking.  Once all of the noodles were made, I rinsed them and strained them, then coated them in olive oil to prevent sticking while I finished the rest of the stew.

Once the stock was finished,  I strained it and removed the meat, putting that to the side while I chucked the rest of the veg in the garbage. Grabbing a new pan, I proceeded to sauté chopped onion in clarified butter. The onion was supposed to cook until translucent,  but I got distracted and they wound up caramelizing a bit- oops. Whatever,  wasn't burnt! I then sprinkled flour over the onions, whisking it in, to essentially create an onion roux. Threw in some wine, a bit of the stock, the veal, and voila! A couple minutes reducing and I had a sexy looking stew. Seasoned it with a bit of salt, pepper, sugar, and mustard, and it was ready to eat.

Using the rest of my clarified butter, I pan-fried the spätzle umtil it was lightly crisped, then put the noodles in bowls and topped it off with the stew. A quick refill of the wine, and bam- chow time!

I was overall happy with the outcome,  though now that I've done it once, there's definitely stuff I would do differently next time. For starters,  have stock made ahead of time,  and make it really concentrated for a more robust flavor. I'd simmer the meat in the stock all day, get it really melt-in-your-mouth tasty, and then once dinnertime was actually on me it'd tuen into a 5-10 minute pick-up. Suuuuper easy. As for the spätzle,  I'm wishing for an arm-buster for Christmas. 

If you want to try this yourself,  look for the cookbook Culinaria: Germany. The stew is on page 214 and a good spätzle recipe is on page 330. Or e-mail/message me and I'll send it to you.

Prost, dahlings!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

A Tribute

Charlie Trotter died yesterday.  It's a strange thing for me to process. For those that don't live restaurants like I do, Charlie Trotter was one of the first to be considered a famous chef. His restaurant in Chicago helped define the new standards of dining,  and his books are a testament to his passion for the craft.
I never ate at his restaurant.  I never spoke with the man. But his influences helped define the restaurants that in turn, defined me. He was a polarizing figure, no doubt,  but nobody can say he had a bad effect on the industry.  He was only 54 when he passed. Gone too soon. His legacy of standards and achievements will not be forgotten,  though. Cheers, Mr. Trotter.  Hope your last meal was a good one.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Testosteroney-O's

It should come as no surprise that I am a tomboy.  I grew up with 2 brothers, 5 male cousins, and a bunch of uncles in a very military-focused family. We played rough, watching hockey and playing video games together,  and being outdoorsy.  I can pitch a tent in 10 minutes and make a slapshot.
Coincidentally, I have far more guy friends than girl. I can count my close girl friends on one hand.  It was never intended like that, guys just make more sense to me. I also have the rare self-awareness that girls are batshit insane, and I can barely handle my own crazy most of the time.
I love having guy's nights. Nights where the guys and I will go out, get hammered on whiskey or beer, watch stupid cartoons or sports,  and eat meat. Preferably steak. Nights where we live like Ron Swanson for a few hours. Those are good nights.
Occasionally, significant others will get curious.  I make sure to inform any potential suitors about my guy friend ratio, because if there is one thing that pisses me off, it's unwarranted jealousy. They raise eyebrows and may ask questions,  but I'm ok with that - it's a respect thing for me. More often than not, it's my friends' girlfriends that get bent out of shape because they have not been properly appraised of the situation. Let me get on my soapbox here for a minute...
Relationships are about trust and respect,  period. If you ever find yourself questioning the other person's motives or intentions,  you probably need to take a step back and really think about whether you are in in for the right reasons period. There is no point in staying with someone to avoid loneliness,  that's fucking stupid. So shame on my guys for not being straightforward with their ladies, and shame on the ladies for overreacting.  And for god's sake, if you break up with someone,  that is one or both of you saying, "I do not want you as a romantic interest in my life anymore", NOT "we actually are still in love just give me a week or two to remember". Love is not something that gets forgotten.
So coming back to my point. A couple nights ago, I was having a guy's night with one of my friends. We drank whiskey,  hung out in dive bars, made steak, and had a grand old time. I wound up passing out at his house,  in his bed, fully clothed. There was plenty of blankets and whatnot separating us, it was clearly platonic. I woke up to the following story:
*His ex girlfriend* came home in the middle of the night with a mutual friend of all of ours (she knows me as well, we're friends), and found us passed out.  Apparently, my friend woke up to her standing over him in the dark, where she proceeded to have a meltdownand left. I, thankfully, slept through the whole thing.
I processed this information,  shook my head, and got ready for work. My friend also got dressed,  he lives a town over and was going to drive me back to the city. We were up pretty early,  contemplating getting coffee and whatnot. And thank god we were- he couldn't find his keys. He is a creature of habit, he always follows a routine. He doesn't lose things because he always knows where he puts them, the exact same place they always go. Following so far? So you can guess where this is going.
She took his keys.
Didn't take the car, even left the wallet. But took the keys and forced me to take a $30 cab ride to work. I can understand being upset, I can even see it possibly being an accident.  But ladies of the world,  let me put this out there for you...
IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY NUTTERBUTTERS, MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T AFFECT ANYONE BUT YOUR CRAZY ASS. We all know when we are going off the deep end.  It's got it's warning signs. But if you are thinking of some stupid revenge thing, or arguing with a person, chances are you are going to wind up screwing with a third party that had nothing to do with it. I say this with love- be fucking classy, and keep the insanity to yourself and your therapist. Otherwise,  I am happy to share these kinds of stories on the Internet.  And laugh the whole day through.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Brain Fried

While this is being posted later,  I happen to be writing at 3:42am. I have spent the last 2 weekends in a whirlwind of activity,  and it finally has my brain in such a tizzy that I can't sleep.

Last weekend was Alchemy,  a burn that takes place in the North Georgia mountains. For those of you unfamiliar,  it's effectively a smaller scale Burning Man. Bunch of folks just camping in the woods, creating a temporary autonomous society based on self reliance and a hell of a good time. I had a blast.  Turned off my phone, had a stash of granola and box wine, and proceeded to hang out with some of my dearest friends that I haven't been able to see in mooonths. Reconnecting with everyone was wonderful,  even in the 30-40ºF nights, haha.

This weekend was Taste of Atlanta,  one of my favorite responsibilities all year. One of the largest food festivals in the Southeast, I work for them every year in some capacity or another. This year, I was their VIP Experience manager,  which meant I was in charge of organizing volunteers for that section,  and once I was on site, making sure everything went as smoothly as possible. I have never been so busy and so exhausted in my life.  My first year managing, and I learned a crapload!  I had help from some fantastic volunteers,  and I can't wait to do it again next year, but oh man. Every time I close my eyes,  I am back at the festival site, assisting with the breakdown. I never thought I could ever get this tired from just a dream. Or is it a nightmare at this point?

Monday, October 14, 2013

Succulence, Spice, and Spirit(s)

What a crazy few weeks it's been! I have been in a pissy mood the past couple of weeks, and thank god Mom taught me, "if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"; otherwise this blog would have been exceptionally bitter for a minute. Thankfully, I have hit my stride, things are in an upward-mobile direction, and I am ready to kick some ass!

So, what have I been up to? Well, for starters,  club life and I most decidedly did NOT work out. Between differences in opinion between the upper management and I,  and the truly awful people that actually attended the club, it was far better for me to part ways. I now focus more on freelance film production stuff, and I'm going to start waiting tables again at a local bar to guarantee bills get paid.

I did break things off with J. I weighed the pros and cons, and then I re-read, 'He's Just Not That Into You'. And then it hit me that he did not, in fact, like me as much as I do him. It might seem silly to take a book to heart like that, but it is the only relationship book that has ever told the blunt, unshakeable truth. So I trust it a hell of a lot more than anyone or any other book that insists that relationships are based on analyzation of the other person. So I  the end, sure, I still have feelings for him, but I'm not waiting or wasting the fabulousness that is myself on a pipedream. I'm ready to put my energy and emotions into a relationship that is actually reciprocated.

On a happier note, my garden hasn't died yet! I've even added more to it. It's got kale, lavender, and dill now; and I'm attempting to start some carrot, pumpkin, and baby cucumber seeds before the weather gets really cold. Hopefully they turn out- So far everything else has been doing great, and the tomatoes keep producing more buds! I'm feeling optimistic, despite the naysayers in the hardware store garden department.  :)

Lastly,  I have been lucky enough to taste a plethora of new foods I have never tried before! And happily enough, 2 of 3 places are suuuper local, and suuuuper cheap! Jamaican, Croatian, and Ethiopian- I'm so lucky I live in such a diverse city! The corner store by my house has started selling Jamaican meat patties- tasty savory pastries filled with rich, spicy meats. It's the healthiest, home-made Hot Pocket I've ever had. The dude who makes them is super-chill too, I really want to chat with him more about the patties. In a food truck park about a mile away? Croatian food truck, run by 2 brothers who are using recipes taught to them all their lives. And let me tell you,  the whatever they gave me? Oooooh, man. I need to go back there to get a more detailed explanation of whatever I ate. It was succulent,  savory, and the meat just melted apart in my mouth. Just talking about it gets me drooling!  The Ethiopian place is a bit further away, in the outer perimeter area of the city, but the style of food was awesome. It was also spicy, similar to the Jamaican but a bit more rustic,  and more importantly- I got to eat with my hands! I read up on the etiquette afterwards and apparently I probably offended a lot of people by using both hands (in Ethiopia,  you are only supposed to use the right). I'll have to practice for the future.

I'm excited for what's ahead.  For the few steps back I took, I am sure that what's ahead is going to reap rewards!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

German - Italian

Tonight was my last night managing at the club. I'm not quitting the place entirely,  however for my own sanity's sake, I demoted myself to bartending.  Better money, better scheduling,  and no more bitchy  emails on my days off!
Coincidentally,  tonight feels like the best night I've ever managed in that place. I went for broke tonight, simply ceasing to give two shits and a fuck about what anyone thought, and boy, did it pay off. I wound up emulating my mom in the best (and funniest) way possible. And got called racist for my efforts (or lack thereof).
You see, I was closing bartenders out for the night when one came to me needing a credit card transaction voided. The guy had changed his mind, the drinks were not made yet, no harm no foul. I go ahead and tell the bartender to let him know that I was voiding it, and to warn him that his bank would hold those funds for up to three days, but he would ultimately get the money back. She does so, and the kid starts getting snotty and rude. He asks to see the manager. I, being right there and having witnessed the exchange, introduced myself. The bartender begins to explain to me what just occurred in front of me, and the kid cuts her off and gave her "the hand". He tells her, "I'm talking to HER now"
I begin to lose my patience at this point. I inform him that there is no need to be rude to my bartender.  He then decided to cut me off. And I went off.

"You're right- you ARE talking to me now. And you are now going to shut the fuck up and stop interrupting me so this can get through your thick fucking skull. For starters,  you will NOT disrespect my bartenders. They are cool as shit, and all this one has been trying to do is assist you and be nice about it. Two- no, I told you to shut the hell up and stop interrupting,  you're done- two, you will get your money back, that is guaranteed.  Three, you are done talking to any of us at all because you didn't tip anyway before this happened. And lastly, if you want to discuss things like an adult, you need to behave like an adult in the first place. Instead you get this- management, bitch!"

I waved my staff badge at him, and finished closing out my bartenders. He tried to continue complaining to the other bartender who happened to be standing by us all, which is when the racist remark got dropped. Dude got looked at like he was frickin' stupid, and we all finished our night and lived happily ever after. 

Moral of the story? Don't be that twat.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Timing?

On October 2, J and I will have known each other for a year. This is easily the longest relationship I've been in. And I have no idea what to think at the moment.
The last time he and I had a "relationship" talk, he said he wants to get to know me better. My hopes, dreams, what I want out of life, what makes me angry, that whole shebang. Fair, valid. I want to know the same. About him, and myself. 
I'm not really one for planning. I don't really have a solid, end-all be-all plan for my life. I have things I want to happen, but no timeline. In my mind, life is too fluid for that. I know I want to get married. I want kids. I want to own a bar. I kind of want to be Malory Archer, haha. I would prefer to have J there with me.
However,  I don't know if now is the right time for us. I love him, there's no question about that. But I don't know if he can give me the amount of attention I need right now. Being long distance and in restaurants is freaking hard. We text every day, and manage to phone most days, but lately I've been feeling lonelier than usual.  I almost wonder if I should take the pressure off both of us and make our relationship more casual. I can't pretend that's not selfish of me, I want someone here with me. But that's just cruel of me, whoever I would be with would be a placeholder. I have no right to do that. I honestly have no idea what to do. Give up the man I love for temporary comfort,  or stay with him and put up with the loneliness that I don't even have a guarantee will end? When is enough, enough? And when does this just become settling? I hate making responsible decisions.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

$16 Olive Oil

Craft beer. Boutique wines. Local, small-batch cheese. Every time I turn around, someone is making specialty something-or-other edible that I just HAVE to try. And even better for me if I get the chance to see how/where it is made! You make sausage? Let me see your butcher shop. I go on brewery tours just to say that I've been to a specific brewery- I can already explain the brewing process in detail. I am a nerd for this kind of thing, and if you let me I will get all up in somebody's cheese cellar to poke around.
These days, I'm noticing olive oil is making a more definitive footprint. Food magazines rave about it,  and the grocery store shelves are bursting with variety. When I was younger,  I thought it was overkill- oil was oil was oil, right? And when I did discover olive oil imparted a different flavor,  I was still unimpressed. I was using a very generic brand, and all it did was give it a skunky flavor. A friend of mine tried to turn me on to using olive oil as a dipping sauce for bread- I remember thinking he was off his rocker. I just could not get my head around the idea that this weird greenish grease could not suck. I don't even remember what changed my mind- sometime in the recent-ish past, I gave it another shot. That time, I got it right. The subtle,  nuanced flavors of a higher quality oil opened my eyes... and gave me another expensive flavor hobby.
Now I find myself sipping on straight oils during tasting events. I experiment with infusions.  I spend twice as much on an 8oz bottle than I do for my eyebrow waxes. And now, I'm contemplating dragging J four hours south of Atlanta to tour an olive farm. Fun fact- apparently Georgia grows splendid olives! There happens to be a pecan farm near the olive farm, too, so maybe I can get more into nuts while I'm there...

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Autumn Morning

I've just gotten off work, and it feels like fall this morning. There's a chill in the air, and the smell of leaves dead and dying haunts the air like a schoolyard memory. I had to wear a sweater all night. I am simultaneously estatic and pissed off, all at the same time.
Much like any othed human being with a pulse, I love Autumn- there's gorgeous weather, pretty scenery, pumpkin-flavored EVERYTHING, and the promise of holidays devoted to sheer maddening gluttony. Fall means I can go to the mall in the middle of the day in the middle of the week, and it will be a ghost town. I can load up on random costuming shit I may only wear a few hours, but hoard for a lifetime. Oktoberfest. Fall-seasonal beers. Fall fucking roooocks.
At the same time, I fucking hate it. Because that chill in the air? That dick chill is a threat of the cold that has yet to get here. The promise that I have to stock up on sweaters and coats, because SOMETHING got mothed/molded/generally just became awful in my closet over the summer. The incessant nag that I probably ought to drop money I don't want to spend on stupid winter boots that also mysteriously disappear into my closet. It's a massive pain in my ass.
I know, it's unavoidable where I'm living at the moment.  And it will continue to be so for a while. I will enjoy the season while I can, but at the end of the day, it's my mom's favorite reason I'm out of the house- she no longer has to listen to me bitch about the cold!
This year might skew on the more fun side, though. I recently started a garden! It's a fairly good-sized square in my back yard, I would say 5'x5'ish. I already planted some tomatoes, thyme, basil, and oregano;  and I'm attempting to start some bell pepper and string bean sprouts in the house. I've also started a potato.  I have no idea if I have anything resembling a green thumb, but I'm excited to find out!  I'm spending some time tomorrow figuring out what else I want to put in it- spring is going to be far more interesting next year, that's for sure!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Junkie

A food high is a wonderful thing.

It is the sort of sensation that has led me to say to prior exes, "Food does things for me that you have no hope of accomplishing. "

A food high is when you put something so delicious, so fresh, so clean and simple and pure in your mouth, every last pleasure center in your brain fires off. The taste lingers on your tongue an extra second, you honestly feel a bit light-headed, even dizzy. A feeling of utter ecstasy just short of an orgasm builds up in your body, begging for release. The memory of which will get you salivating at the mere mention of the last place you had such an experience.

Food highs are why I demolish restaurant literature.  Food highs are what get me volunteering for festivals. Food highs drive my obsession, and cause me to drop money on subscriptions to Food & Wine magazine that result in me only reading each issue once, maybe twice. 

It's a never ending struggle between my wallet and my tastebuds. It's also a dangerous addiction- after all, one cannot quit eating.  But at the same time, isn't this the addiction we should be persuading people towards? Drugs, alcohol- while those can be enjoyable, they lead to poor decisions.  I have yet to have a truly terrible food addiction experience (I stand by my decision to have beer ice cream at 6am as a marvelous decision).

Sure, there is the possibility for obesity.  But if we introduce kids to a variety of food growing up,  not just Fatty McWendy King's bullshit, I wholly believe kids can grow to make better food decisions.  My body is smart- it informs me when it thinks it needs something via cravings.  It's a great system.  And having introduced it to so much variety has given it options as to what to crave. Stop hating your body. Listen to it. Treat it. It'll tell you what you need to know.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Nights at a Round Table

For supposedly being part food blog, I have done shockingly little writing about food. Probably because I have been eating like crap lately.  Between wonky scheduling and still clearing remaining debt accrued from lack of pay at former jobs, I've unwittingly been only eating maybe one, two meals a day. Oops. Not good. And the proportion of that that is fast food? J would be ashamed.

It's definitely a tough cycle to break,  though. I get home at the crack of dawn, maybe stopping for Waffle House if I'm starving. Sleep until 2pm, or 4 if it's been a rough night, then make myself a little something and back to work. If I'm lucky enough to have the day off and find myself with friends,  I may eat a bit more as a social thing, but for being so obsessed I can't seem to make time for it. Maybe that's part of why I am so fascinated- I never really get enough.

I love eating with friends, though. It just feels more, I don't know,  familial I guess. The best meals are the ones friends cook for me, though! Don't get me wrong,  I love cooking for my friends. But when they welcome me into their home and make me dinner? I will always be exceedingly greatful. I know the effort that a meal takes, and the value of food in the cupboard. So, much like I value time that people give me, I value any effort they put into feeding me exponentially moreso. And one of these days, when I'm rich and famous?  Every last one of them is getting something special.  I have no idea what, but it's going to kick ass.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

This One? This One is for The Girl I Used to Be

I damn near had a heart attack this morning. I had just finished closing paperwork at the club, ready to collect everything, turn off the lights, and call it a night. Er. Day. Whatever. I was going to put my radio away, when I heard the sound of a little voice saying, "... excuse me?"

I just about jumped out of my skin. There was one of the girls that had arrived at the club earlier that night, stepping meekly out of the shadow of the closed bar. I asked her why she was still there, mentality cussing out the security company for not telling me there was still somebody in here. She explained that she had been waiting for my fellow manager, Nick, to give her a ride. Nick had left over an hour earlier. I told her as much, and she started spazzing, trying not to cry. She explained she was supposed to stay at Nick's that night, and she had nowhere else to go or anything. Long story short, we managed to get ahold of one of the DJs that had been playing that night who had invited her to his place. During the whole mess, hough, she kept asking me for advice, and confessing her feelings and fears to me.

I felt so bad for that girl. And I tried to tell her everything I wish someone had told me back when I was her age. I don't know if she'll listen, or understand, but for posterity, I'm sharing it with all of you.

1. You cannot believe anyone when they say they won't hurt you right off the bat.
They don't know you at all at that point, they don't know what will hurt yoy. They have no right to make that promise. And if you want to be close to someone, you will end up being hurt at some point. It's scary and unpleasant, and might take YEARS to come to terms with, but it is how people learn about one another and grow together.

2. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of. 
Sex is fun, exciting,  and when you're with someone who knows what they are doing, it is so awesome there are no accurate words to describe it. It's perfectly natural and human to want to do it, and to want to do it with multiple people. That's ok!!! What's NOT ok is allowing yourself to be disrespected for it. Don't let anyone slut shame you for something so enjoyable. Be safe, and be proud of the fact that you love yourself and your body enough to let it do its thing. Anyone who tries to make you feel lesser for it, doesn't deserve to hang out with you (and frankly, probably isn't getting laid as much as they'd like).

3. Be Safe!!!
Cannot stress this enough. Condoms, birth control- use it. And for every day life? Know your limits.  Don't let anyone put you in an uncomfortable position.

4. Accidents still happen. Chlamydia is not the end of the world.
Pretty self-explanatory.

5. Work on being known for what you do, not whom or how you look.
You are more than tits and ass. Flaunt it if you want to,  but don't expect a solid relationship that was built on cleavage.

6. It's ok if you hate yourself sometimes.  But when you do, try facing what you hate about you.
This is probably the most terrifying thing a person can do. It requires a hell of a lot of self-awareness, and a butt ton more honesty. But you'll be much more satisfied with yourself when all is said and done.

Alright, sermon's over. Share this with anyone you know that may need to hear it.

The Internet Needs a Breathalyzer

Oh man.

You should never be online drunk. Ever.

You see, whenever I am drunk, I seem to think I am supposed to be productive. This can be a positive thing- I have been known to clean my room, do dishes, wash my dogs, and sweep impeccably while in a drunk shitshow haze. However, NOT good when I have internet access. I seem to get the grand idea that I am a financial genius when drunk (very untrue), and I will get onto travel websites and browse.  Usually, I pass out before doing anything truly stupid, but Sunday night... oh boy.

You see, we had wrapped on the commercial that I got hired onto, and so we had a wrap party. We. Got. HAMMERED. At the end of the night, a cab was called for my drunk ass, and I was taken home. Where I then proceeded to hop online, and decide that, "fuck it!", I was going to go to Birmingham the next day to see J. Apparently,  Drunk Andi is a bargin shopper. Like, bottom of the barrel bargin shopper. I reserved bus tickets to get there and back, and then proceeded to reserve a hotel room. I woke up the next morning remembering all of this, and cursing my dumb ass and the hangover I brought myself. So, head spinning, I headed to the bus station and headed west for the day.

I took a greyhound to Birmingham,  and was lucky enough to not have to sit next to any tragedies.  Got to Alabama,  wandered the city a bit, then met up with J. After a hangover-curing sushi dinner, we went to the hotel I had booked so I could check in. It was an America's Best Inns and Suites.

It took the receptionist 15 minutes to check me in, and it just went downhill from there. When J and I headed to my room, we passed a side table wih a wadded up purple thong. Then, we passed a woman who looked so rough in my hall, there's no way she WASN'T on something. Upon entry in the room, I encountered the ugliest bedspread I have ever seen, the refrigerator door came completely off, and there were mysterious stains in the bathroom. It was so revolting,  it was hysterically funny. I started checking all of the drawers, just to make sure nothing would jump out at me in the night. So lesson learned: if I want to take a trip to B'ham ever, don't book drunk. Don't ever book drunk.

Really, they should just install Breathalyzers on computers.  Think of how many terrible facebook dramas and other internet horror stories could be avoided by your laptop telling you to just go pass out, you're drunk! Engineers, get on that. Thanks!

The following photo is from my younger drinking days. I am sharing it to illustrate my clearly amazing decision-making skills.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Living Life By the Frizz

Man, there are days like today when I SWEAR I should have been kidnapped, like, five times already. You see, I have a habit of occasionally hopping into cars with perfect strangers for no good reason other than they offer me a ride and I'm feeling lazy enough to accept. 

Now, I am smart enough not to get in any random creeper's car, but I will admit the look of some of the people I meet could raise some eyebrows. But I have gotten some awesome opportunities out of it! Like the past few days, for example.

Wednesday, I was headed into work for an early shift. Just before I got into work, a guy stopped me to ask about my tattoos.  I get that a lot, so I answered his questions and went about my day. Next day, on my way to work again, I ran into the same guy- this time, on the opposite side of town. We got talking, and he mentioned he was location scouting.  I gave him a few pointers pon areas to look into. He offered me a ride to work, and I agreed.

Before I continue!  I honestly didn't believe his location scout story. I assumed he was trying to impress the cute tatted chick, and I was just going to use him for the 5 minute drive. Another important factoid- he wasn't giving me any creepy vibes at all. Now, there was definitely the chance he could have been a rapist, or a serial killer,  or any number of things. However, living life comes down to trusting your gut and taking risks. This risk paid off- turns out, dude actually IS a location scout. I helped him out all Friday afternoon, and now I'm a production assistant on an NFL/Visa commercial.

Go figure! :D

Even better?  Looks like I may be getting steady work doing location scout work through him. Moral of the story? Don't fear your fellow human being. Be cautious,  but take a risk or two- makes everything way more interesting in the end!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Thinking (wo)Man

This posting every 3 days thing seems to be working out pretty well for me, I think...

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately.  Not to say I didn't before, but now the mindset is different.  Instead of thinking,  "When I get older I'll...", I am reaching the point where I actually feel like I can start doing those things. I haven't hit the "shit or get off the pot" point, but it's certainly an interesting feeling that hey, if I want to start a festival,  or make my bar happen, I can start and be taken halfway seriously.  My friends have started posting wedding and baby photos- in short order, I could be doing that, too.

So now the question becomes,  not what do I want to do, but when? How will I prioritize my dreams? What do I want to accomplish first, and where? After all,  as much as I love Atlanta, I don't intend to stay here forever. Hell, I honestly don't intend to be here this time in 2014. Ultimately, what kind of person do I see myself becoming,  and how do I get there? I never thought I would have to think about this. Unfortunately for me, things do not fall neatly into place until you make the call as to which places you want to go.

Man, someone should have warned me about that shit.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Twerked off

I've been a slacker lately.

Well, no- slacker is the wrong term. I have been incredibly indecisive.  And a bit ditzy- I have written 3 posts I  the last week, and totally forgot to save the drafts. So, hours of writing and trying to decide what to post? Right down the shitter. Gets a little frustrating. 
Anyway,  things have been going pretty well.  Club  work is proving to be interesting enough, and is undoubtedly providing me with fodder for this blog. Like tonight. I bring to your attention our children's current dilemma: twerking.

Seriously,  what the fuck. At the risk of making myself sound old, at least my generation's shitty dancing (the macarena) required some basic rhythm and left you with a marginal amount of dignity. Hell, I am even impressed with that Gagnam Style thing (however that's spelled). That required learning a bit of choreography!  But twerking?  Jesus fucking christ. Jiggle your ass until it has a mind of its own?  No, thank you. Ladies, do yourself a favor and fucking stop it. That will never look good. Ever. You realize we invented Spanx specifically to prevent that, right? Don't let that be in vain.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Timeless

I am fairly certain I have been born in the wrong era. I look at so many people who are my age, and all I want to do is shake them. I am not old, I know that. But the nightclub I work at? So many of the patrons are SO devoid of common sense that I refer to them as "the kids".  It really doesn't help that I have never been much of a raver- I like dancing,  but to something that DOESN'T sound like a trash compactor fucking the garbage truck.

My tastes frequently surprise J, too. You see, there is 19 years difference between he and I- so whenever I bust out with a Toto sing-a-long, he'll ask if I'm secretly in my mid - thirties. It works for us, though. We think incredibly alike, and even though we belong to two totally different time frames,  somehow we just get each other. I blame my parents for giving me old-fogie music tastes. :) Couldn't be happier,  either! <3

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Baconing

I have a confession to make.

I have no fucking clue how to eat bacon in public.

Allow me to explain- while my mom was raising us kids, she brought us up to have MANNERS. Not just manners, but "God-help-you-if-we-go-out-in-public-and-you-misbehave" MANNERS. One of the rules we learned was never put our hands in our plate, eat with a fork and knife. Bacon has posed the unique challenge of, I've seen other people use their fingers, but then again I also see people use a fork. So, proper bacon etiquette eludes me. J thinks I'm just silly to worry about it.  He has no idea the moral dilemma I face. :P

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Growth Spurt

My nails have been painted for two weeks straight.

For the first time in over a year.

It is incredible to me. Actually having the free time to do and maintain them, and NOT be panicking over not working? Why, I may actually be becoming a real human being!

Maybe it's because I'm finally not stressed about money as much anymore- it's still a bit tight at the moment,  but I know that it will be fine soon. I'm finally earning enough to mentally justify time off. I can finally repay debts to friends,  and family, and before the year ends. I haven't been able to say that... ever. I will be able to have a not - heinous credit report by December.  In a shockingly roundabout way, I am finally becoming the adult I've thought I should be.

That excites me. It excites me a lot. Because along with the knowledge that I am finally a real adult, in age and in mindset, I will finally feel comfortable pursuing the "grown-up" goals I set for myself years ago- maintain a healthy relationship. Have a child. Return to improv comedy. Start my bar.

My new job is teaching me a lot. Especially about how much I still need to learn. But instead of wanting to throw a fit and bust heads, Adult Me is allowing myself to be calmer, more analytical.  It's a nice change of pace from the ridiculous amounts of anxiety I used to cling to.

Best part?

Adult Me still totally justifies gummi bears for breakfast.  :D

Friday, August 2, 2013

My Fixation

I am obsessed with food. I suppose I could also be called a "foodie", but I would hope not in the insufferable, annoyingly hipster, douchey sense it has come to be associated with.

I have a love affair with flavors, textures, and smells. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a well-designed menu, nothing more erotic than a gorgeous plate presented in an appropriate setting.  An inventive cocktail,  or an exceptionally well-made classic,  send my tastebuds into a complete tizzy.

But it's not just fine dining that gets me drooling more than Pavlov's dog. I also have a soft spot for the chwap, the greasy, and the "clearly-going-to-put-me-in-an-early-grave". Food is an adventure, the Final Frontier I otherwise wouldn't get to explore if I were to wait on space travel. It is because of this I have an exceptionally low tolerance for picky eaters.

Before everyone gets all up in arms about "respecting people's preferences" and all of that hoopla, let me explain- picky eaters piss me off so much because I WAS ONCE ONE MYSELF.

I decided I hated any food that came out of the sea or from a pig, onions, tomatoes, pickles, peppers, stroganoff, horseradish, anything that looked weird, and anything made with anything from that list. As well as a few things I'm forgetting,  I'm sure. I lived in Maine for eight years and refused to eat seafood. I didn't believe people who told me, "Oh, your tastes will change as you get older!"

I'm not entirely convinced that's the whole case. To be fair, yes, my tastes have changed, but I think early exposure could be a big difference too. I had a pretty standard hot dogs-and-grilled cheese menu growing up, and when new foods were introduced, it was always an overly intense and overwhelming experience.  These days, I go to restaurants and see children devouring sushi and sweetbreads and offal of all kinds. Part of it is probably the celebrity chef/foodie culture that has been developing over the past few decades. People are seeing all of this food porn floating around, and passing it to their kids. It's awesome to see... and twice as maddening to see pickiness rearing it's ugly head. With SO MUCH available from so many other cultures, how can anyone not be curious?!

Try everything twice, just in case the first time got fucked up.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

New York, New York!

As I mentioned last post, I was in NYC! It was a very last-minute, fly by my ass vacation,  and it was just what I needed.

What had happened was, after I had been hired for the new gig, I had 4 days free between my last day at the old job and my first day at the new one. I had never been to New York City before, so I said screw it and got the flights arranged. After getting things mostly in order, I called J to share the news.

"Guess where I'll be Sunday?!"
"Wh-"
"NEW YORK CITY!!!!" (I was a little excited)

That's when he started laughing. "Really?? You are never going to believe this..."

He proceeded to explain he had been invited by one of his wine distributors to go to the city Sunday and Monday for a mset and greet and dinner. He wasn't sure if he was going to accept or not, but given the circumstances...

He had to do work stuff on Sunday, but we promised to spend all of Monday together.  So Sunday I flew up and walked all of the touristy parts I wanted to see- Chinatown, Little Italy, DUMBO, Brooklyn, Manhattan b the whole gamut. I saw an old improv friend of mine and got to catch up with him and meet a friend of his in a cute little Swiss café (can't remember the name to save my life, but they had phenomenal french toast). I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, that was a fun hike- I even learned something!

When you walk across the bridge,  if you are paying attention, you notice a number of padlocks randomly locked along the course of the bridge. According to a tour guide I was sneaking behind,  a local legend is, if you write you and your lover's name on a lock, hook it on and throw the key off the bridge, you two will stay together forever.  A sweet tale... and I'm curious as to how many of those couples are still together? Some of the locks have been there so long, they've been painted over with the bridge a few times.

In the spirit of adventure, I hadn't booked a place to stay for the night officially.  By the time I thought about it, buses to New Jersey (where I had been offered a couch) had stopped. Being on the broke side, I decided to test the motto, "City That Never Sleeps". I headed to Times Square, where I proceeded to people watch and caught some "visual poetry" on the big screens. Met some fun random people that gave me insight on the Square itself, lied to Spiderman (he was being a pushy ass), and saw the excitement of the area fade into a sparse, deserted street. About 3am, I was wandering around the perimeter of Central Park when I stopped to write a bit. That was when I met Carl. An Upper West Side local, we got chatting and he was cool enough to hang out and keep me company. We talked about our significant others, life, the whole shebang. He was a great example of New York hospitality,  and I am happy to have met him.

In the morning proper, I met up with J. We had brunch in Manhattan at a little Italian place that was more atmosphere than anything else, though it did have an impressive wine list. We then hopped a cab to Chelsea, where we booked a room at the Chelsea Lodge. Built in the 1800s, it is a ...cozy B&B for lack of a better description.  We napped, then went to the Chelsea Market. We tried doughnuts at the Doughnuttery, and later got dinner at The Meatball Shop. Almost immediately after,  we came across a little German café that I insisted we try. We had a blast- it was the first time in a LONG time we had spent so much time together. I was sad to say goodbye- the day had felt like a beautiful dream,  and I was being forced to wake up.

My last day in New York solo was spent bumming around Soho, then heading to Queens to the hostel I was staying in my last night. The trip was an awesome,  and I couldn't be happier I took it- it was just what I needed to recharge my batteries and get ready for my next big adventure!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Wahoo! WaHo!

My wallet may be in danger. As well as my arteries.

This new job of mine is creating some crazy changes in my life. It's a 9-5 job, for starters.  The kicker? Nine at night until five in the morning. Sleeping in until 3pm is no longer a luxury,  but necessary,  and I love it. These hours actually allow me to spend time with my dogs and friends, something I have been sorely lacking in the past 6 months. The downside? Work is within 2 minutes of my favorite place to eat, Proof & Provision; next to an Arby's,  and a half a block from a Waffle House- two other restaurants I will go to town at. If I have any weakness, it is food. So having these options so excruciatingly close? It is going to take everything in me to exercise control. Especially as I have already been to the fast food joints a few times in the past week, and P&P once as well... and am intending on going back there tonight (J is coming tonight, I have a good reason GODDAMMIT DON'T JUDGE ME!!!).
If I haven't mentioned it before, P&P is everything I could ever want from a restaurant- great food, incredible cocktails, warm staff, cozy atmosphere, and a flow of clientele that doesn't get crazy-busy until I get to work anyway. I adore it, love it, and cannot recommend it enough. Getting to go back after months of going without was the best treat I could give myself! Nate Shuman,  one of the South's best bartenders and mixologist extraordinaire was there- he has taken care of me since the first time I ever stepped foot in P&P, and getting to catch up with him was a lot of fun. Everyone needs to find a bar like this for themselves... but if you're in the metro Atlanta area,  I guess I can share mine...

Proof & Provision
Open Tuesdays through Saturdays
Dinner Only
(404) 897-1991
Www.proofandprovision.com

Returning to an earlier point, J is coming tonight!!!!!

Through a stroke of serendipity last week, he and I got to spend a day in New York City together (story for another day), and it had been about a month prior to that that I had seen him before,  so I'm feeling pretty spoiled right now, haha! I get the feeling it's going to be a good visit this time, too. I mean, it's usually a good one, but we were talking on the phone the other night and he made a few comments that gave me the idea that this relationship is progressing in a positive way.  Cannot WAIT to see him!!! <3

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Cue the Elton John, the Bitch is Back!

WHAT a crazy few months! Did NOT mean to be disconnected for as long as I was.

For starters, my employment situation has changed drastically.  I am now once again back to one solo job, that I have been adoring so far. I am now a bar/event manager at a local 18+ nightclub, so far that means I watch college kids hump and "twerk" for a decent salary.  It's like watching my own personal episode of COPS every night.

Also, J and I have been progressing in a positive way! We are about to hit  the 10 month mark, and it looks as if we may be having another "define the relationship" talk soon- the good kind!

Otherwise,  I discovered that I had been a hermit for far too long, so I have been getting out more and spending time with my friends and favorite bartenders. All in all, good things! Current goals are simply to get out of debt and keep J and I's relationship going strong. I have a lot of cool career stuff that will be coming up soon to focus and blog on, so that should be fun for everyone to peek in on! Much love, guys, and thanks for coming back!

Return of the Andi

I have connectivity again! More news coming soon!

Monday, May 27, 2013

My shit got jacked!

Heads up, guys- i've been MIA for the moment because my primary means of posting got stolen last Thursday! But have no fear, in my disconnected state, I have been making videos! So, hang out a bit, and if you have any questions, ask! I'll make a video and post the result soooooooon. :)

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Habitual Offender

I have terrible habits. I am not about to deny it. But occasionally, my bad habits lead to really, really good things. Let's start with the obvious: my drinking.

My drinking habit is one i have no intention of stopping. I will cut back on occasion, but I will never quit. Drinking got me some of the best jobs I've ever had and the love of my life- that is way too much positive reinforcement for it to be a truly 'bad' thing. NEXT!

When I am at work, and there is nothing for me to do, I have a tendency to do other things. Things like, job hunt. Not at my main job with Chef, mind you, mostly at the part time gig. It's almost an incessant need to do something, so in one shift alone I sent out 3 resumes and learned beginner italian- thank you, Duolingo.com! I'm starting to practice more intermediate lessons as well. Again, education is a positive, so I will probably continue that. And constant résumé revising has really made me look pretty spiffy, employment-wise.

LASTLY! Following my instincts. I read somewhere that when your body craves something, it's missing whatever nutrients are in whatever you are craving. So, when I want chocolate covered gummi bears, BACK OFF, I NEED THEM. Probably. 

Cheers!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

All Grown Up

So! I have been away. Away doing things. 

...Grownup things.

That is pretty scary for me, not going to lie. So, here's what happened:

Once upon a time, I went to my local coffee shop. I ordered an iced americano, and proceeded to have a super-productive 20 minutes. I updated a LinkedIn profile I had made two years ago, conducted e-mail business, juggled bills. I was waiting on friends that wouldn't arrive for another hour, so I ordered another iced americano. With an extra shot of espresso, to slow my drinking down. 

This is when I learned that their americanos are made with four shots of espresso anyway. 


Nine espresso shots later, I was anything but slow. I was VIBRATING INTO THE FUTURE!!!! And damn, it felt amazing/terrifying/weird. Kinda like sex for the first time. I am halfway tempted to try that again, just to see if it gets better the second time around. ;)

Anyway, when I updated my LinkedIn, I ha one of those crazy, clarifying moments that screams, "YOU'RE AN ADULT!"

I qualify for jobs I never thought possible. As in, I have managed to acquire the skill set to potentially be an event director of a major hotel chain here. Or a coordinator in LA. I have OPTIONS. For OPPORTUNITIES. For ADULT JOBS. And it blew my mind. I now feel comfortable and confident expressing that. It is still a bit surreal, but I'll take the advantage.


Tuesday, I'm flooding the job market with a shiny, sexy new resume and we'll see what happens next!

In the meantime, I will continue to temper adulthood with stupid ideas. Like 9 shots of espresso. And vodka. Cheers!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Family Meal

WHAT a week! It's been a trying one, but I'm finally comfortable saying I'm in the clear. Good things!

People say, "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family." Frankly? That is a load of crap. True, you cannot change your DNA sequence (yet-c'mon, science!), but the theory that blood ties -have- to mean something is outdated and ridiculous to think about.

I mean, really- with all of the nontraditional families out there today, how can one even begin to think that? Adoptions create families. Abuse divides families. And what about foster situations? There is no catch-all family definition. Family is what you create, these days.

On the flipside, that can also mean the opposite is true- sometimes, to have a positive family environment, you have to eliminate peoples' influence as well. I'm not saying literally eliminate people, that's just dumb. However, I recently had to get rid of the man who donated his sperm to my existence in my life. Genetically? Great contribution. As a feeling human being? I would have been better off with a pet rock. This man was barely, if ever, present in my childhood. Once I hit 18, he divorced my mother with little more of an explanation than what we heard from other sources. Once I came to Atlanta, he was a resource for a year-, year and a half-ish while I found my feet. After that, I got a very distinct message that he wouldn't help anymore. So I stopped asking. I learned how to fend for myself. I worked hard, utilized the few lessons he had imparted. And then, when I found myself in a spot of trouble that, for once, I hadn't caused myself- I thought he would help. And he agreed... Before he backed out. Effectively, he lied to me. The way he was behaving? He never intended to help me in he first place. He betrayed me, and for that, I cannot have him in my life anymore. He is no longer welcome here. Why would I willingly include a lying, untrustworthy person who has never really seen fit to respect my mind in my life? I'm not that dumb anymore.

In some respects, it should probably be sad. But how am I supposed to care for a person that, if I met him as a peer, I wouldn't want to be friends with him anyway? You can't ask me to feel bad for feeling indifferent. Especially since I have had more than enough truly paternal male figures in my life to make up for it.

I guess what I'm getting at is, don't ever let yourself feel bullied into a family relationship you aren't comfortable with. Nobody else has lived your life, and they have no right to weigh in on your experiences. Adopt families as you meet them, whether they are your dysfunctional coworkers, or someone you met while looking like your shittiest. The best familial bonds are the ones you actually want to nurture, not the ones you feel obligated to.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Fairy Tale Eff-Ups

I have an enduring love of the Disney Princess films. Sure, they don't serve as the greatest example for raising strong, independent women all the time, but you can still unintentionally learn from them.

Like Beauty and the Beast- most recently, it has come to my attention that Belle CLEARLY hasn't got any survival instincts. Like, at all. Putting aside her noble trade of her freedom for her fathers', she was -specifically- told to not go into the West Wing by a large, furry beast with big, sharp teeth. So, she proceeds to antagonize and insult him by refusing to eat dinner with him (minus 2 points already!), and then after getting the servants to put on a loud, elaborate dinner show just for her (that surely would have woken him) she then ventures into the West Wing. Personally, the Beast showed remarkable restraint not just eating her right then and there. And then AFTER he saves her life, she has the nerve to tell him to control his temper? Seriously, curse be damned, I would have completely lost it with this twit. But, whatever. Just my observations. So girls, if you find yourself kidnapped, for the love of god, don't antagonize your captor. Play along until you have an opportune moment to escape. Making them mad in real life just winds up with you stuffed in a freezer.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Up In Smoke (hedging on NSFW)

Cigars inspire all kinds of thoughts for me. To date, I have only smoked 2 in my life- one back when I graduated high school, a Swisher Sweet my buddy Josh gave me; and most recently a Henry Clay I acquired. For starters, the Henry Clay is probably the only proper one of the two, but I have fond memories of the Swisher. Second, I know damn near nothing about cigars. Like for instance, are they supposed to make you feel high? Because holy crap, the Henry made me feel fucking amazing. Not something I'll do on a regular basis, but I can see why new dads were traditionally given one as a congratulatory deal- it chilled me the crap out.

However, the whole practice raises other questions. Mainly, cigars are supposed to be this whole macho deal, right? Smoked by manly men from the Godfather to Winston Churchill, right? Well, do guys get that it is exceptionally phallic-looking? Guys who would otherwise be happily homophobic can be found sucking happily on (sorry, Mom!) the equivalent of a dick. You can't even justify it as compensation for what a man may or may not have lurking in his trousers. After all, what straight male would suck on something that reminds him of his package?

On the flip side, why don't women smoke more cigars? Many of my more open, liberal friends will admit to enjoy going down on guys. Well, why wouldn't they get similar enjoyment from cigars? I mean, to be frank, the sensation is way more enjoyable and WAY less messy. Doesn't make aaaany sense to me. Yeah, this is the crap I think about.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sure, Why Not?

I want to get a tattoo. I have many, but I want to get a few more. The next one I have planned? Simple script, emblazoned down my outer forearm; that reads, "Sure, Why Not?" J is a bit reticent about that one. He's never cared about my tattoos, but this one seems to be a bit 'out there' for him. I'm not sure he realizes just how significant this will be for me.

Decisions are a major part of everyone's life. They create us and our future trajectory. Many can also be mistakes. I have made many, many decisions. A lot could be called mistakes as well. However, for a few years I have made "Sure, why not?" a large part of my life. Consequently, I have done a lot of stupid shit. But I don't regret any of it.

See, at the very least, I will be able to live without regrets because I have tried all kinds of ideas- good ones, bad ones, good ideas that made me miserable, etc. I will never have the opportunity to wonder, "what if?" because I already did it. Opportunities fall at me because people know I'm willing to try something at least twice.

On the flip side, doing all of the dumb things will ultimately make me a better parent. All of the big talks are going to be crazy-awkward, yeah, but I will have first-hand experience of the consequences that I can fill my future kids in on so if they go off and do it anyway, they got an informed warning.

So my tattoo will be more than a tattoo. It will be memories, opportunities, and warnings. And most of all, it will be a reminder to me to stay open-minded, and try everything at least twice. Cheers!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Party for Life!

It's probably a symptom of being in my mid-twenties, but I have been feeling restless. Again. It's getting aggravating, but I think I've finally figured out why.

Predominately, I am a bossy know-it-all that likes to throw parties. I get a rush from conceptualizing, planning, and executing events. I have thought, for the longest time, that I needed to stay in kitchens because that was all I thought I knew how to do. How refreshing to discover otherwise recently! I was recently hired as a manager of a VIP tent at a festival I have worked with for the past 3 years. Before, I worked with this festival as a pet project, something I enjoyed volunteering for and got a sense of accomplishment from every year. At my prior retail job, a large part of my position was also event coordination. For whatever reason, it is only just now occurring to me that maybe, just maybe, I should work in event planning. And, much to my surprise, my years in restaurants will actually be an asset. I called a respected events company here in Atlanta today to inquire about any job positions available. The woman I spoke with asked if I was looking for a particular position, and I mentioned I was looking at event planning- making sure to add I had spent 2-3 cumulative years with pertinent event experience, as well as 8-9 cumulative years of hospitality experience. At that, she perked up an asked me to e-mail her a resume.

I know that isn't a guarantee of anything. However, just the knowledge that I could be qualified, and actually have a new, more exciting opportunity on the horizon is a nice adrenaline boost! And even if I don't get into this company, there are many other smaller companies I could probably weasel into. Knowledge of options feels so freeing!

Don't get me wrong, I adore the restaurant industry and the camaraderie that goes along with kitchen work, but I have never wanted to spend years of my life in a physically taxing environment. And one day, I want to have kids- how could I possibly raise them while slaving on a hot line? I still want to own a bar, but I don't want to be the one doing the menial, mind-numbing prep tasks. Event coordination seems like it would be a more ideal situation. Can't hurt to try, at least!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Glassful

Well I've been away longer than I like! Had a rough couple of days after I got back from Birmingham, but managed to get back to where I need to be! More on that later, but first, an important lesson!

How I slow myself down whilst draaaaankin':

First off, drankin is not drinking. By a long shot. Drinking is getting drunk quickly, with immediate consequences as well as a hangover (ex., I was drinking at a bar and went home with a rando.) Drankin' is being drunk over extended periods of time, functioning, and making long-term horrible decisions. You won't get kicked out of a bar while drankin', however, you will find yourself having fantasies of a future with Douchenugget #1 after making out with him for a minute and a half. Like I said, horrible decisions.

With the correct alcoholic genes, however, you can decipher the difference between drinking and drankin'. I have, over the past 5 years, learned the difference. So when I see myself hiccup into drankin' land, I take preventative measures.

I love mixed drinks- vodka sodas are my current poison. But when I creep towards drankin', I swap to straight vodka, which I hate. Higher proof? Yes. But I drink waaaay slower. It's all about balance.

You have to know how to balance your life. It is what will keep you sane. Knowing when to stop, when to push forward- incredibly important. Figuring out which investments are worth keeping gets a little foggy, but with any luck, you have good friends who are able to point out when you're making the same mistake a bajillion times in a row, and let you know, "hey, maybe it'd be good for you to, you know, do the opposite of what you always do."

I broke up with J for 48 hours when I saw him in Birmingham. I got spooked, as it has been 6 months, and I flipped a crazy switch. I then proceeded to be miserable, depressed, crying for hours- just a sad sack. I felt like I had simultaneously lost my best friend and ripped out my organs. Yeah, I was the one who did the breaking up, but I was at a complete loss as to what to do. Thankfully, one of my best friends, Ben, was able to point out that this was a normal self-sabotage habit I had developed, and maybe I should try doing anything but what I usually do. So I called J, and apologized. He was good enough to forgive me, and take me back. So now I'm entering a completely new territory for myself: the Long-Term Relationship. Honestly? Scares the ever-loving crap out of me. But he's worth it to me.

Now, if you don't mind, it -is- Cinco de Mayo, and I have gringo drinking to do. ¡Olé!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Paint me a Birmingham..

I am in Birmingham, AL, today.

I came with the intention of surprising J today. Thankfully, my big mouth told him about it... On Monday. Which allowed him the opportunity to let me know he was too busy to see me. And left me with bus tickets to and from Alabama, that my drunk ass bought. Funny, no? I was half-expecting it, I have this kind of luck with surprises. So I said fuck it and took the trip anyway.

I gotta say, it has exceeded my expectations! Though I have been drinking most of the day. I got to see a good friend of mine, old coworkers, and chill in a hot tub for a bit! For the record, if you are traveling in the south, stay at Drury Inns and Suites- they have 5:30pm "kickbacks", which entails 3 free alcoholic beverages and free food from 5:30-7. Kicked. Ass.

I did also do a smidge of touristy stuff earlier- I checked out The Vulcan, a Birmingham landmark that is perched on a mountain where you get a magnificent view of the city. It was a cool stop- the statue is massive, and only wears an apron and sandals, so it moons the next town over.

I'm checking out Ona's Music Room now- a jazz club downtown. Live music, and a nice, dark atmosphere. Private, quiet, and just the kind of music to keep my crazy to a minimum. I already recommend it, and the band hasn't even started yet! Cheers, lovelies!

Ona's- http://www.onasmusicroom.com



Sunday, April 28, 2013

Birmingham or bust?

So I'm going to Birmingham, AL, on Wednesday for the day! Going to try to hang out with J for a bit- in theory, his new place is opening that night, so I thought I'd go try and support! Plus I'd actually see what Birmingham has to offer. ...If anything, haha.

Mean of me? Yeah, probably. But I do want to give the city a chance. There has to be some reason people stay there, right? This is the whole reason I travel- to see places, and get to the root of what the draw is. That, and I do want to check out some of Alabama's food scene! They have one that's been developing at least 5 years now. I love eating. :)

Friday, April 26, 2013

Rattenschwänze!

I actually got motivated to test a potential menu item today! It is called rattenschwänze, and it is delicious.

Rattenschwänze is a pork dish from the Lower Saxon town called Hamelin. It was based on the old folk tale, the Pied Piper of Hamelin. I had to modify the recipe a bit based on what I had in the fridge, but the core of it was the same. It has a crazy, complex flavor with savory, spicy, lingering quality that made me ridiculously happy. It is a heavier dish that's probably better for winter, but I can lighten it a bit more for summer if I wanted to. Plus? So much booze included!

In the main meal alone, there are four different boozes utilized. And in the process of creation, I stumbled on a deeeeelicious idea! I used white wine to make my rice. So tasty. Soooo tasty. Gave the rice a nice twang that complemented the pork. My meal inadvertently became an ode to Julia Child. Cheers! I'll post my recipe vs the original on my Facebook page.