Thinking (wo)Man

This posting every 3 days thing seems to be working out pretty well for me, I think...

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately.  Not to say I didn't before, but now the mindset is different.  Instead of thinking,  "When I get older I'll...", I am reaching the point where I actually feel like I can start doing those things. I haven't hit the "shit or get off the pot" point, but it's certainly an interesting feeling that hey, if I want to start a festival,  or make my bar happen, I can start and be taken halfway seriously.  My friends have started posting wedding and baby photos- in short order, I could be doing that, too.

So now the question becomes,  not what do I want to do, but when? How will I prioritize my dreams? What do I want to accomplish first, and where? After all,  as much as I love Atlanta, I don't intend to stay here forever. Hell, I honestly don't intend to be here this time in 2014. Ultimately, what kind of person do I see myself becoming,  and how do I get there? I never thought I would have to think about this. Unfortunately for me, things do not fall neatly into place until you make the call as to which places you want to go.

Man, someone should have warned me about that shit.

Why I Am Terrible At Meaningful, Serious Communication... And Things Still Work Out

Now that I've finally gotten a little sleep, I can collect my thoughts a little better! Which brings me to the Great Reveal of last night.

I was at the part time job last night, and when my night was over, a guy I had accidentally been on a date with a few weeks ago called me up to hang out. I declined, and texted a guy friend to get some perspective on things. J came up, of course, and I got thinking. Him -not- saying "I love you" was bothering me more than I wanted to admit.

While I walked home, I kept thinking- it's one of my worst faults. The more I thought, the more I decided I had to come to a definitive conclusion. Was J going to be worth the investment of my time, or did I need to cut ties and systematically ruin the best thing I have ever had thus far? I started getting angry, and in a fit of 'fuck this, I need to know', I called him.

For the record, one of my other faults is, when I talk to him, I lose my nerve to an extent. He answered, and I just went about it like it was a normal phone call. He told me about his day and some of his staffing problems, I played the part of the super assertive girlfriend who would tell employees exactly what they ought to be doing (ha-ha-HURR). I kept trying to regain the angry fire that I had while the phone was ringing. I couldn't. When our conversation was wrapping up, though, I did get a bit of the spite back. My brain said 'fuck this, I'm just going to say I love him anyway. I'm tired of being this much of a pussy about it!' So I said it. And he said it back, like it was the most natural progression of our conversation. And we hung up. And I had a little celebration for myself. He probably has no idea how much it meant to me. But his nonchalant attitude tells me he thought it was totally obvious. Men, jeez. :)