This One? This One is for The Girl I Used to Be

I damn near had a heart attack this morning. I had just finished closing paperwork at the club, ready to collect everything, turn off the lights, and call it a night. Er. Day. Whatever. I was going to put my radio away, when I heard the sound of a little voice saying, "... excuse me?"

I just about jumped out of my skin. There was one of the girls that had arrived at the club earlier that night, stepping meekly out of the shadow of the closed bar. I asked her why she was still there, mentality cussing out the security company for not telling me there was still somebody in here. She explained that she had been waiting for my fellow manager, Nick, to give her a ride. Nick had left over an hour earlier. I told her as much, and she started spazzing, trying not to cry. She explained she was supposed to stay at Nick's that night, and she had nowhere else to go or anything. Long story short, we managed to get ahold of one of the DJs that had been playing that night who had invited her to his place. During the whole mess, hough, she kept asking me for advice, and confessing her feelings and fears to me.

I felt so bad for that girl. And I tried to tell her everything I wish someone had told me back when I was her age. I don't know if she'll listen, or understand, but for posterity, I'm sharing it with all of you.

1. You cannot believe anyone when they say they won't hurt you right off the bat.
They don't know you at all at that point, they don't know what will hurt yoy. They have no right to make that promise. And if you want to be close to someone, you will end up being hurt at some point. It's scary and unpleasant, and might take YEARS to come to terms with, but it is how people learn about one another and grow together.

2. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of. 
Sex is fun, exciting,  and when you're with someone who knows what they are doing, it is so awesome there are no accurate words to describe it. It's perfectly natural and human to want to do it, and to want to do it with multiple people. That's ok!!! What's NOT ok is allowing yourself to be disrespected for it. Don't let anyone slut shame you for something so enjoyable. Be safe, and be proud of the fact that you love yourself and your body enough to let it do its thing. Anyone who tries to make you feel lesser for it, doesn't deserve to hang out with you (and frankly, probably isn't getting laid as much as they'd like).

3. Be Safe!!!
Cannot stress this enough. Condoms, birth control- use it. And for every day life? Know your limits.  Don't let anyone put you in an uncomfortable position.

4. Accidents still happen. Chlamydia is not the end of the world.
Pretty self-explanatory.

5. Work on being known for what you do, not whom or how you look.
You are more than tits and ass. Flaunt it if you want to,  but don't expect a solid relationship that was built on cleavage.

6. It's ok if you hate yourself sometimes.  But when you do, try facing what you hate about you.
This is probably the most terrifying thing a person can do. It requires a hell of a lot of self-awareness, and a butt ton more honesty. But you'll be much more satisfied with yourself when all is said and done.

Alright, sermon's over. Share this with anyone you know that may need to hear it.

A Long Story...!

My younger brother told me a couple days ago that my life was like an episode of Sex and the City, after he wound up watching a couple episodes with me. He's not entirely wrong. The past week, things got a bit... nutty.

I ended up going on an accidental date, got to spend an amazing night with J, and last night? Accidentally got smashed and made out with a guy. Meant nothing, but crap happens. All of this nonsense got me thinking- where is my love life going? I had been, prior to J and my prior two exes, a relatively carefree serial dater. Played the games, had fun, kissed EVERYBODY. I wanted to eventually get married and all that nonsense, but I was YOUNG and I wanted to have FUN.

So I did. And then, on a whim, I decided to try a long-term relationship with a guy I had met at a party (he was annoyingly persistent). We lasted 8 months, longest I had ever managed. Then I dated one of his friends for 6 months, almost immediately after. In retrospect, jumped into that one waaaay too soon.

J and I have known each other 6 months now. We met when I went to Birmingham, AL, for my job at the time. I was only supposed to be there a day, helping with some invoices. That one day turned into 3, and the paperwork became a never-ending torture. My second evening there, I was about ready to snap.

"Chris," I popped my head into the back office, addressing their general manager. "I'm going away. For three hours. I'll be back to 'help' close. I might not be upright when I return. Ok?"
He smirked, and waved me off. "Enjoy."
"You said the cocktails next door were good, right?"

I stepped into the restaurant, still dressed in my gray uniform shirt. A hostess said something to me, but I was in a cromagnon mindset and simply pointed to the shelves of wine and grunted, "Bar."

I examined the bar situation. Technically, there were two- the main bar towards the entrance, and a secondary bar area in front of an open kitchen. The kitchen bar was completely empty. The main one with all of the lovely booze behind it only had one empty seat between a gaggle of cackling hens and a guy taking up waaay too much space with a laptop. I took the chance.

"This seat taken?" I asked, looking pointedly a his laptop. He smiled and moved it, with a nonchalant, " Nah." I took the seat, and when the bartender came over, I informed him of my plan to stay for hours and not to rush anything except my first drink.

I sat, nursing a tasty rum something- or-other, just trading sporadic quips with the bartender, and eventually the Laptop Guy started interjecting enough where he and I started having a conversation. That was J. By the end of my meal, I was a bit tipsy and had already scanned his ring finger. He had mentioned he came to Atlanta pretty frequently, so feeling a bit bold, I scribbled my phone number on my business card and told him to look me up next time he was in town.

I left immediately after and went back to work to gossip about my encounter with my coworkers. After a few minutes went by, J came to the shop we worked in, to "pick some beers up for [his cooks]". I got to flirt a bit more, and show him off to my coworkers. Afterwards, my coworker Tim, whose house I was staying at, and I went back to his place to drink a bit more and pass out.

After that night, I finished my paperwork, went home, and promptly forgot about J. I didn't expect anything more than the pleasant conversation we had had. Besides, nobody had ever called me before, I certainly didn't expect a call now.

A few days after my Birmingham escapade, I got a single text from a number I didn't recognize- "hey whats up?" Figuring it was some loser I had met at the bar the night prior, I ignored it. I got another text from the same number the next day, a simple, "do you know who this is?"

Well, when you are confronted with a text like that, you have to answer, now don't you? To give myself an out, I texted back, "Sorry! Phone lost a lot of contacts recently- who is this?" And that is when J revealed himself. We've been talking and visiting each other ever since. This relationship has been like none other I've ever had. I actually found someone that I want to talk to every day. And after this past week, it's become even more clear that the idea of one day not having J in my life is infinitely depressing. So I decided to do something about that.

I finally told J I love him. I'll let you know how things turn out. :)

Fairy Tales and Foie Gras

My day off, and I had spent the morning drinking vodka cocktails and filling my head with fairy tale fluff- Snow White, Sex & the City, and reading 'The Soul of a Chef'. Fantasies of love, happily ever after, and phenomenal food keep running through my head. I was waiting for a work meeting, and for J to maybe come sweep me off my feet and take me out for one of our amazing dates.

With my phone off, the chances of him coming were greatly reduced. I've been kicking myself all night for that. Instead, I find myself just... waiting. Like an over eager pet, but tempered with the expectation of disappointment. This is why I have a love-hate relationship with fairy tales. I love the idealism, the optimism- but I am always far too realistic to believe in this nonsense. J is just enough of a jerk to keep me believing. He's like the inspiration to a Journey song, and it's a combination of elation and wanting to vomit. At least with food fantasies, there is a greater chance I might one day get to eat at the French Laundry, or the Granmercy Tavern or something.