Habitual Offender

I have terrible habits. I am not about to deny it. But occasionally, my bad habits lead to really, really good things. Let's start with the obvious: my drinking.

My drinking habit is one i have no intention of stopping. I will cut back on occasion, but I will never quit. Drinking got me some of the best jobs I've ever had and the love of my life- that is way too much positive reinforcement for it to be a truly 'bad' thing. NEXT!

When I am at work, and there is nothing for me to do, I have a tendency to do other things. Things like, job hunt. Not at my main job with Chef, mind you, mostly at the part time gig. It's almost an incessant need to do something, so in one shift alone I sent out 3 resumes and learned beginner italian- thank you, Duolingo.com! I'm starting to practice more intermediate lessons as well. Again, education is a positive, so I will probably continue that. And constant résumé revising has really made me look pretty spiffy, employment-wise.

LASTLY! Following my instincts. I read somewhere that when your body craves something, it's missing whatever nutrients are in whatever you are craving. So, when I want chocolate covered gummi bears, BACK OFF, I NEED THEM. Probably. 

Cheers!

Dependency, but Not Really

"This place will make you an alcoholic."
"Hm?" I responded, not quite hearing the server speaking to me.
"This place," he reiterated, flicking his eyes up to glance at the walls, "will make you an alcoholic."
I laughed. "What makes you think I'm not one already?"

I am, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. There are factors I could blame, I suppose, like genetics or yes, kitchens; but really it was all my decision. I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be, either. Compared to when I was 19, I am much closer to complete sobriety now than I ever was then.

I enjoy alcohol. It was definitely an acquired taste, but one I leapt into rather enthusiastically. And it's not just liquor, or beer- I can appreciate just about anything with an ABV content.

The biggest difference I've noticed in my drinking is why I drink. I drank in my earlier years because I was miserable. I hated my job(s), hated where I was, hated myself for my shitty decisions. These days, I have a better handle on things. I have good friends, I have a great job, I have someone I care about a great deal. My reasons for drinking now are usually just social, or I could use a nightcap. The old me would be ashamed of my tolerance now.

And don't get me wrong, it definitely wasn't an easy transition. I honestly can't see myself ever being completely sober. When I get upset or stressed, I still crave vodka/waters and Jack Daniels neat. But I'm learning how to deal with those feelings in slightly less destructive ways. I can't preach to anyone about their bad habits, nor do I ever want to. But I don't ever want people to feel bad for me and the decisions I've made. They taught me everything, and I really wouldn't have everything I've got now without shitloads of terrible decisions and drinking.

Will this place take me back to my old ways? Probably not. At this rate, I'm behaving far better than I ever have. Cheers~