Timing?

On October 2, J and I will have known each other for a year. This is easily the longest relationship I've been in. And I have no idea what to think at the moment.
The last time he and I had a "relationship" talk, he said he wants to get to know me better. My hopes, dreams, what I want out of life, what makes me angry, that whole shebang. Fair, valid. I want to know the same. About him, and myself. 
I'm not really one for planning. I don't really have a solid, end-all be-all plan for my life. I have things I want to happen, but no timeline. In my mind, life is too fluid for that. I know I want to get married. I want kids. I want to own a bar. I kind of want to be Malory Archer, haha. I would prefer to have J there with me.
However,  I don't know if now is the right time for us. I love him, there's no question about that. But I don't know if he can give me the amount of attention I need right now. Being long distance and in restaurants is freaking hard. We text every day, and manage to phone most days, but lately I've been feeling lonelier than usual.  I almost wonder if I should take the pressure off both of us and make our relationship more casual. I can't pretend that's not selfish of me, I want someone here with me. But that's just cruel of me, whoever I would be with would be a placeholder. I have no right to do that. I honestly have no idea what to do. Give up the man I love for temporary comfort,  or stay with him and put up with the loneliness that I don't even have a guarantee will end? When is enough, enough? And when does this just become settling? I hate making responsible decisions.