Chapter 2~

I've been in such a cool space lately! For the first time in months, things are honestly progressing on the up and up for me. I FINALLY have a place to live, and will be able to get my things out of storage for October. I have a job that I love, that challenges me in all of the right ways and actually supports me in my personal life. And while the transition is still a tad rocky, I'm doing well enough that I got to spend a week in New York City last week with some of my best friends on the planet. Even better, my current job will afford me the ability to do that more often, and travel elsewhere more easily! I'll finally be cooking at home again!!!

With that, I'm finally going to be able to bring a direction to this blog. At least once a week, I'll do a new recipe for y'all and the story that accompanies it. When I travel, I'll tell you about the amazing local products I find. And while I study for my sommelier certifications- well, you'll get an earful on how goddamn tired I am of drinking goddamn French wines, no matter how delicious they are. (Seriously, I love French wines now, but studying them makes me want to slam my head into their stupid limestone-laced terroir.)

It's a new chapter, and I can't wait to start writing it!

Learning Curve

Education.

It is daunting, to say the least, when you are actually thinking about it in terms of a future. I like to think of myself as an avid learner, however the public education system here in the US did a lovely job of destroying my faith in organized educational settings. I swore up and down out of high school I'd never go to college. I wasn't exactly right, I did a brief five months in art school before dropping out. And that really didn't help my opinion of the whole mess, either.

These days, though, I am coming around a bit more. I still hate what post-high school options have become, but I am willing to accept the inevitable fact that if I really want to make my life what I want it to be, I need to do something to back up my industry experience. I toyed with increasing my knowledge base four years ago, but four years ago I was also suffering from some major delusions of grandeur (I'll admit it, I was a presumptuous asshole). I never put in the effort I should have, and I wasted an incredible opportunity to learn from an incredible sommelier.

Now that I'm actually committing to learning, I have made a conscious decision to somewhat... take myself out of what I consider the real workforce. I am still working for the catering company, but that in itself is a very part time position. I've collected a few of these part time gigs, and strangely enough for me none have anything to do with the restaurant industry. It's nerve wracking for me. I know that the arrangement is ultimately beneficial for my studies, I currently have more free time than I know what to do with. I begin taking my WSET (Wine & Spirits Education Trust) courses in June, and will take the Level 2 exam in July if all goes well. In September, I'm going to begin taking classes with the North American Sommelier Association in order to earn a silver pin sommelier certification. It's going to do wonders for my career, but it feels so weird to remove myself from the workforce to just...read. But, once I get this knocked out of the way, I can really start taking charge of things the way I want to. The fear fuels my spite, and I'll be damned if I drop out of this too!

~Romance~ and Reality

For the first Valentine's day in 12 years, I am not working. For the umpteenth Valentine's day, I am dateless. One would expect me to be bitter, like so many of my cynical friends. But I am an eternal optimist, and a romantic. Or sucker, whatever you want to call it.

As a general rule of thumb, restaurant industry folks don't celebrate Valentine's day on the 14th. If they have a significant other in the first place. For the ones that do, they go out a week earlier or later, or do something sweet like cook dinner or whatever else is vomit-inducingly adorable. For the single ones, we generally go get blackout drunk after the shift and wind up in bed with a stranger, a coworker, or strange coworker.

Coming from an industry standpoint, relationships are HARD. It's so easy to get caught up in the "hit it and quit it" transient mentality, thanks to the weird hours and staff turnover, that actually connecting with someone is difficult to maintain. I thoroughly enjoyed the hookup culture, and the one quasi-serious relationship I had with a chef was one of the most emotionally fulfilling I had ever had. Being single is infinitely easier in the long run. And right now, it's what I need.

I'm trying to finally focus my career, solidify myself as an adult, the whole nine yards. My application to James Beard Foundation Women in Culinary Leadership grant has actually managed to get to the interview stage. If I get it, it would be a massive step for me career-wise. I am so excited for that. I'm really ready to focus. And, if all goes well, maybe next year I'll be in a stable place where I can focus on making a relationship work. Or, you know, kicking ass again solo.

In the meantime, this year, my best gal pal and I are going chill with a $3 bottle of wine and chill with some good ol' crockpot cooking.

May the Schwartz Be Witcha!

My nomadic existence has become very very official!  Last night was the first night I spent in my new old van. She has been dubbed "The Schwartz", as she is such an old bucket of bolts she reminds me of the movie Spaceballs. The Schwartz is a 1990 Ford Econoline 150, with a scant 90k miles on her and an inability to reach speeds over 85mph. Frankly, I'm terrified to try and take her above 65, so my mom should be ecstatic about that. She is a tragically beautiful garbage heap of a van, with a very retro pale horrendous pink interior. My dog, Clooney, saw fit to baptize her by vomiting on the bench/bed where I sleep. Seemed appropriate.

Vomit cleaned, I proceeded to collect supplies for the actual act of living in this thing. I am truly Macguyver- I have created a campstove out of sterno pods and shit collected at Goodwill. So, I am lucky enough to be able to make hot water for my crap instant coffee and ramen! It's an exciting prospect.  Really,  the only thing I really wish I had in here right now is booze. Or other substances that happen to be medically abundant in the great state of California.  Because dude, even with my dog, sleeping in this thing is fucking surreal.

There's just this intense, isolating feeling going out alone. I finally have no real responsibilities, and I can run away from everything whenever I so desire. And that is awesome. But, at the same time, these nights when I don't have people to visit? Makes it that much lonelier. Clooney is a shitty conversationalist, and sleeps through half my rants anyway. I'd text or phone more, but the discovery that the Schwartz's electrical system isn't fully hooked up to support my car charger has made my phone that much more of a specialty resource. All there is to do once the sun sets is wait for sleep, and with my mind going a million miles a minute, it is waaaaay more difficult to do without chemical assistance. All of my wine is currently taking up a small bit of real estate in my new friend's (the Barista) garage to prevent temperature damage during my travels. Which is a great thing, I cannot thank him enough, but goddamn I could really use a drink.

...Hm. Apparently I just broke the back passenger door lock, permanently locking it. This keeps getting better!  :D

Putting a Little Age On It

So I've been lucky enough to play tourist the past day and a half! My job at this first winery is winding down, so I got some time off to check out some tasting rooms and explore the Sonoma Coast and parts of Napa. I hit 7 different tasting rooms and wineries- Rosenblum, Portalupi, J, A. Rafanelli, Gustafson, Chateau Montelena, and Medlock Ames. It. Was. A. Blast! I got to see so much of wine country,  and meet some really cool people. My favorite wines so far have come from Gustafson.  Their vineyard is located just down the mountain from where I'm working now, and their tasting room was across the street from my new favorite seafood joint in Healdsburg. They had an incredible late harvest zinfandel that was just pruney, raisiny, and rich.

Seeing Chateau Montelena was pretty amazing, too. Half the reason I tried getting a wine internship is because I am in love with the movie 'Bottleshock', and their wines did not disappoint. I was, however, caught off guard by how much better their reds were than their whites. The cabernets they were showing had this excellent richness of character that's only going to improve with age.

Thanks to my new favorite phrase ("industry discount"), I have accidentally started a wine cellar for myself. The girl who previously could barely keep a 12pack of beer in her fridge is now the proud owner of 16 bottles of wine. I am intending on giving some away, but I am still hanging on to a majority. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I love the idea of having wine on hand, but I'm not going to have time to drink any of it until maaaaaaybe November. And by hen, I'll probably have more collected. It's strange to consider. A mere month ago, I was reticent to spend even $20 on a bottle. Now that I'm in the thick of things, I almost want to take out an insurance policy on what I've accrued thus far- and I wouldn't even call this an impressive start, based on what I saw other guests buying.
Though I ought to cut myself some slack- I may be the youngest adult for 100+ miles. Everyone else I've seen around has at the very least a decade on me, if not a solid 30 years. I've been ok with that,  I usually run with a more mature crowd, but it does make me feel a bit more disconnected from everything. And not having anyone to flirt with? I've never felt more like a nun. Lord. :p

Reflections on the Farm

Oh I was so right. Since my arrival, I have been aching continuously. Now, in some respects everything is getting easier. But once the muscle fatigue faded, shin splints and weak shitty ankles kicked in. It's not so bad, though. I'll be able to benchpress a horse in a couple of weeks thanks to this grape-hauling nonsense!

I can't get over how amazing this place is. The mountains,  beyond just mind-blowingly gorgeous, are so... full. I have never seen so much wild life! There is a plethora of apple and pear trees here on the vineyard, scattered across the property, and blackberries run rampant next to the cabin. Which is also painfully rustic and adorable and far more functional than 90% of the apartments I've lived in. Then there's the animals- deer are EVERYWHERE. I even saw feral domestic pigs! Apparently a farmer lost his pigs a couple decades back and they now just roam. Rabbits, fox, quail- I have never hunted before in my life, and I have never wanted to more than I do up here.
Going into town is fun, too. The roads are all old graded logging roads, and they twist and curve around the mountains and Lake Sonoma, giving you incredible views from every angle. And once you become familiar enough with the roads to actually do the speed limit, the drive makes you feel like you're in one if those picturesque car commercials.

I really haven't been doing much wine making, just picking and cheffing, and I'm pretty ok with that. I get a great workout, both in body and in culinary chops I haven't done in a while. And for the most appreciative people! Apparently the biggest difference between east coast and west coast cooking is that east coasters are more concerned with it being a competition between restaurants,  and here people are just happy to eat. It's a great feeling!

Forays into Viticulture

Ever felt like you've gotten into a dick-punching contest with Murphy's Law? That could very easily sum up my trip thus far. Getting out to California became the single most aggravating task I have ever brought upon myself. Long driving hours, heartbreak, desert, storms, sunburns, broken promises- you name it, it happened. However, I am lucky enough to have a handful of the most supportive, caring, sympathetic friends a girl could ever ask for- they helped me back up when I was sobbing in a shitty motel on I-5, and I will never forget that.

As it stands, there is extremely limited time and access to the Internet in order to post everything.  So, posts are going to wind up being clustered together and dated, like so...

9/5, late-night

I finally made it to the vineyard! Drove into the winery about 10pm, met some of the crew, and immediately got put to work sorting grapes. It was a great change of pace from driving all day! What we were doing was examining grapes that had picked earlier that day and were on the conveyor belt headed to a machine that destemmed and filtered out grapes that were too small. It was up to human intervention to filter out leaves, unripe or rotten grapes, and raisins. I felt a bit like Lucy Ricardo on 'I Love Lucy' sorting bon bons. I tried a couple grapes, and they were incredible- sweet and softly  supple. They were pinot noir, the specialty of this vineyard.
Heading to the vineyard itself, where I am staying,  is about an hour and a half away from the winery and up a mountain. Because of my laaaaate arrival, I couldn't really see any of the drive up- just enough to realize that the dividing lines are just guidelines up here instead of steadfast law. :)

9/6

Day one! We woke up at 5:30 am to begin picking. During the harvest,  I was given the job of runner- while the regular workers picked, I'd go around and exchange full bins for empty ones. I knew I was going to be hurting later 2min into the job- full bins weigh 45-50lbs each! We spent a solid two, two and a half hours picking in the early morning fog. Grapes are best picked in the early morning before the sun hits- it helps preserve the flavors in the skins.
After picking, we returned to the winery. Here, I parted to start the second half of my job here- as chef! I headed to the next town over, Healdsburg,  to begin shopping for dinner supplies for the next few days.  I was also given the best news any chef can get: "You have an unlimited food budget. Feed us, and feed us well." The freedom that allows me? Incredible! I tore through the store with abandon, picking up fresh butchered meats and screamingly in season produce. I had decided to make the first night's dinner a taco night, to ease into things a bit and guage how my cooking would be recieved.
Taco night turned out well enough, I mistimed a few things and had to improvise a bit; but meeting everyone was a lot of fun and I got to witness a cool wine aficionado game they play every night- Guess the Wine. We do a blind tasting of two bottles, one white and one red, and we try to guess the grape varietal, the area of origin, the vintage, and the producer. It is a reallt educational experience!
We returned to the winery late that night to catch a few z's before returning to the fields early the next morning.  I remember hitting the sack and having some of the sweetest dreams I've had in years. This is easily one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Go West!

I've been blogging for over a year. Not consistently, by any means, but I've done it. It's something I never thought I'd have the patience to do. It's an exciting idea! A lot of things have been changing recently.  Things are going fine, I just had a mild epiphany that I was bored.
I love Atlanta, there's no question about that. But when I was younger, I always dreamed of going to California, becoming famous, the whole nine. As I got older, I let reality dictate more and more of my life until I was working comfortable (though not necessarily stable) jobs, and settling for a life I'm no longer 100% sold on. It got me thinking.  If I had to look my 10-year-old self in the eye, and explain my life to her, what would she think of me. More jarring- if I have a daughter one day, I will have to explain a few things to her. How am I supposed to look a kid in the eye and say, "Work hard and you can make your dreams come true" when so far my own life has been, "Work hard and eh, your life will be not entirely shitty"? I may be a hypocrite on a few things, but I never want to be called a hypocrite for my life values. So, I'm finally going to work on making my California dream come true!
I've been applying for seasonal jobs assisting with wine harvests for this fall. If all goes well, that will hopefully give me a strong enough foothold to find permanent work out there. My prospects look good- I've got my local wine contacts putting out feelers for me, I applied at 8 different vineyards yesterday and already had a phone interview with one I feel pretty confident about. It looks like things may come together really well for me.
The idea of going west is daunting,  no argument there. However, compared to when I first came to Atlanta? I feel WAY better about things. I actually have friends where I'm going, for starters! And yeah, I'll be broke for a bit while I'm out there. But hey, I'm broke here in Atlanta too. I just have to keep reminding myself that regardless of what happens,  I will survive it and be more awesome for it.

W(h)ining

There is something to be said for intimidation in the restaurant industry.  It has the potential to be a dealbreaker,  or for the truly insane among us, a motivator. Whena person clearly has more knowledge than I do,  and who isn't afraid to let me know that he or she knows I'm full of shit and they aren't buying it, it rattles me. A lot. It doesn't happen often,  especially in the professional arena. So when it does? I take notice. Because much like cough syrup, after you get that first nasty bit out of the way, it helps you get better.
I have been looking for part time work to supplement my income recently.  Today I applied at an upscale wine bar. I am more than willing to admit, while I am a fan of wine and drink it fairly frequently,  I am by no means an expert. However,  I'm usually on point enough with other alcohol knowledge to deflect that. Nooooot today. Once I finished my application,  I was sat down for an initial interview.  And proceeded to mentally get smacked around by a professional. By the time all was said and done,  I felt like Robert Parker pushed me in the playground and kicked sand in my eyes.
But all in all? Worth it. I'm trailing there on Monday. It's not a guarantee of a job, but it is an opportunity I don't intend to waste!

Pirate cooking

There's something to be said for working in... "Less stringent" kitchens. My part time job, for example. The food is much better than I anticipated. However, because it is a cigar lounge, there is very little actual work to do in the kitchen. Just found out today the only reason they even have a kitchen was because they needed one for their liquor license.

What does that mean for me? It means I am given money to sit on my ass for 8hrs a shift. Hell, yesterday was my second day of training and all my boss and I did was eat cheese and kill a bottle of wine. Then subsequently mourn the fact we didn't have another. Tonight, we're having tuna tartar. It's a blessing in disguise- on the one hand, I'm not learning a thing. But I still get a few days relaxation, good food, and motivation to get my ass out of bed. I need those. Plus my boss and I get along great, so I can see myself sticking around for a while. Good things! And thank god I didn't have a job like this when I was younger- my career would have been FUCKED. Cheers!

In Vino, Veritas

So I went to a wine tasting event today! Or yesterday, I suppose, as it's now after midnight. It's a huge trade show a local art museum sponsors every year, tied in with an auction. I was returning for my second year, as I fully intend to keep learning about wine even if I don't necessarily sell it anymore.

I spent the majority of the event hanging out with a friend of mine, Daniel- he's one of the few friends I have that has a similar appreciation for wine as I do. We were having a grand old time, venturing from booth to booth, and I happened to run into my old supervisors from the retail job. One I had expected awkward, stilted conversation with, and I wasn't disappointed. The other, however, was much colder to me than I had anticipated. We had been friends back in the day, or at least I thought so, and seeing him today he was far more brief with me than I expected.

Really, I could be completely over-analyzing the encounter. I have a habit of doing that. But it wouldn't be the first time I was treated differently by old friends because of my choice to take a paycut and get back into the kitchen. C'est la vie, I'll just let it be, and it'll all turn out in the end.