Family Meal

WHAT a week! It's been a trying one, but I'm finally comfortable saying I'm in the clear. Good things!

People say, "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family." Frankly? That is a load of crap. True, you cannot change your DNA sequence (yet-c'mon, science!), but the theory that blood ties -have- to mean something is outdated and ridiculous to think about.

I mean, really- with all of the nontraditional families out there today, how can one even begin to think that? Adoptions create families. Abuse divides families. And what about foster situations? There is no catch-all family definition. Family is what you create, these days.

On the flipside, that can also mean the opposite is true- sometimes, to have a positive family environment, you have to eliminate peoples' influence as well. I'm not saying literally eliminate people, that's just dumb. However, I recently had to get rid of the man who donated his sperm to my existence in my life. Genetically? Great contribution. As a feeling human being? I would have been better off with a pet rock. This man was barely, if ever, present in my childhood. Once I hit 18, he divorced my mother with little more of an explanation than what we heard from other sources. Once I came to Atlanta, he was a resource for a year-, year and a half-ish while I found my feet. After that, I got a very distinct message that he wouldn't help anymore. So I stopped asking. I learned how to fend for myself. I worked hard, utilized the few lessons he had imparted. And then, when I found myself in a spot of trouble that, for once, I hadn't caused myself- I thought he would help. And he agreed... Before he backed out. Effectively, he lied to me. The way he was behaving? He never intended to help me in he first place. He betrayed me, and for that, I cannot have him in my life anymore. He is no longer welcome here. Why would I willingly include a lying, untrustworthy person who has never really seen fit to respect my mind in my life? I'm not that dumb anymore.

In some respects, it should probably be sad. But how am I supposed to care for a person that, if I met him as a peer, I wouldn't want to be friends with him anyway? You can't ask me to feel bad for feeling indifferent. Especially since I have had more than enough truly paternal male figures in my life to make up for it.

I guess what I'm getting at is, don't ever let yourself feel bullied into a family relationship you aren't comfortable with. Nobody else has lived your life, and they have no right to weigh in on your experiences. Adopt families as you meet them, whether they are your dysfunctional coworkers, or someone you met while looking like your shittiest. The best familial bonds are the ones you actually want to nurture, not the ones you feel obligated to.