Timeless

I am fairly certain I have been born in the wrong era. I look at so many people who are my age, and all I want to do is shake them. I am not old, I know that. But the nightclub I work at? So many of the patrons are SO devoid of common sense that I refer to them as "the kids".  It really doesn't help that I have never been much of a raver- I like dancing,  but to something that DOESN'T sound like a trash compactor fucking the garbage truck.

My tastes frequently surprise J, too. You see, there is 19 years difference between he and I- so whenever I bust out with a Toto sing-a-long, he'll ask if I'm secretly in my mid - thirties. It works for us, though. We think incredibly alike, and even though we belong to two totally different time frames,  somehow we just get each other. I blame my parents for giving me old-fogie music tastes. :) Couldn't be happier,  either! <3

Glassful

Well I've been away longer than I like! Had a rough couple of days after I got back from Birmingham, but managed to get back to where I need to be! More on that later, but first, an important lesson!

How I slow myself down whilst draaaaankin':

First off, drankin is not drinking. By a long shot. Drinking is getting drunk quickly, with immediate consequences as well as a hangover (ex., I was drinking at a bar and went home with a rando.) Drankin' is being drunk over extended periods of time, functioning, and making long-term horrible decisions. You won't get kicked out of a bar while drankin', however, you will find yourself having fantasies of a future with Douchenugget #1 after making out with him for a minute and a half. Like I said, horrible decisions.

With the correct alcoholic genes, however, you can decipher the difference between drinking and drankin'. I have, over the past 5 years, learned the difference. So when I see myself hiccup into drankin' land, I take preventative measures.

I love mixed drinks- vodka sodas are my current poison. But when I creep towards drankin', I swap to straight vodka, which I hate. Higher proof? Yes. But I drink waaaay slower. It's all about balance.

You have to know how to balance your life. It is what will keep you sane. Knowing when to stop, when to push forward- incredibly important. Figuring out which investments are worth keeping gets a little foggy, but with any luck, you have good friends who are able to point out when you're making the same mistake a bajillion times in a row, and let you know, "hey, maybe it'd be good for you to, you know, do the opposite of what you always do."

I broke up with J for 48 hours when I saw him in Birmingham. I got spooked, as it has been 6 months, and I flipped a crazy switch. I then proceeded to be miserable, depressed, crying for hours- just a sad sack. I felt like I had simultaneously lost my best friend and ripped out my organs. Yeah, I was the one who did the breaking up, but I was at a complete loss as to what to do. Thankfully, one of my best friends, Ben, was able to point out that this was a normal self-sabotage habit I had developed, and maybe I should try doing anything but what I usually do. So I called J, and apologized. He was good enough to forgive me, and take me back. So now I'm entering a completely new territory for myself: the Long-Term Relationship. Honestly? Scares the ever-loving crap out of me. But he's worth it to me.

Now, if you don't mind, it -is- Cinco de Mayo, and I have gringo drinking to do. ¡Olé!

Hours and hours and hours...

For the hundredth time in months, I find myself unable to sleep. It's a bit of a side effect of my lifestyle that I need to re-acclimate to. At the moment, it's primarily my job that I'm re-adjusting to- when I was in retail, I had a sleep schedule closer resembling normal people. Then for a couple months after leaving retail, I was kept awake by financial stress. Now, I'm back to sleeping, kinda. When I work, I work evenings. I go in around four, and get out... Well, late. By all accounts, I should be sleeping like a baby after the asswhoopings I've been getting on weekends. Then my days off try to make me think I'm normal. Ha.

There's something else that's been keeping me up, though. J. This is new for me. I love talking to him, and I spend an inordinate amount of time doing so. Texts, phone calls, any scrap of time is precious to me. See, he and I have a long distance relationship on top of us both being in kitchens. When I was younger, I tried many long-distance relationships that failed miserably. I swore them off. Then I met J. When we met, I had no idea who he was. He was just a guy in a bar (how we met is a story for another day). What attracted me to him, and continues to do so, is the fact that he gave me his time. Still does. Time is expensive! If you break it down monetarily, like a server does, minutes add up to hundreds of dollars. Hell, even cell companies charge obscene amounts for minutes.

I learned early that time is valuable. As a kid growing up in a military family, time spent with friends was short. You don't take the friendships you manage to retain for granted. So, when J showed me he was willing to invest his time getting to know me, it was the most romantic gesture I had ever seen. He even actually picks up the phone and legitimately CALLS. That is waaaaay too rare these days. Especially with him owning a place, but also opening a second? He takes time to talk to me, even with a full plate.

So I take time to daydream. Will this work out long term? I have no idea. But he makes me happy enough to hope that it will. Never underestimate the impact 5, 10 minutes can make. Those few moments to you can mean hours to someone else.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~Dr. Seuss