Learning Curve

Education.

It is daunting, to say the least, when you are actually thinking about it in terms of a future. I like to think of myself as an avid learner, however the public education system here in the US did a lovely job of destroying my faith in organized educational settings. I swore up and down out of high school I'd never go to college. I wasn't exactly right, I did a brief five months in art school before dropping out. And that really didn't help my opinion of the whole mess, either.

These days, though, I am coming around a bit more. I still hate what post-high school options have become, but I am willing to accept the inevitable fact that if I really want to make my life what I want it to be, I need to do something to back up my industry experience. I toyed with increasing my knowledge base four years ago, but four years ago I was also suffering from some major delusions of grandeur (I'll admit it, I was a presumptuous asshole). I never put in the effort I should have, and I wasted an incredible opportunity to learn from an incredible sommelier.

Now that I'm actually committing to learning, I have made a conscious decision to somewhat... take myself out of what I consider the real workforce. I am still working for the catering company, but that in itself is a very part time position. I've collected a few of these part time gigs, and strangely enough for me none have anything to do with the restaurant industry. It's nerve wracking for me. I know that the arrangement is ultimately beneficial for my studies, I currently have more free time than I know what to do with. I begin taking my WSET (Wine & Spirits Education Trust) courses in June, and will take the Level 2 exam in July if all goes well. In September, I'm going to begin taking classes with the North American Sommelier Association in order to earn a silver pin sommelier certification. It's going to do wonders for my career, but it feels so weird to remove myself from the workforce to just...read. But, once I get this knocked out of the way, I can really start taking charge of things the way I want to. The fear fuels my spite, and I'll be damned if I drop out of this too!

Glassful

Well I've been away longer than I like! Had a rough couple of days after I got back from Birmingham, but managed to get back to where I need to be! More on that later, but first, an important lesson!

How I slow myself down whilst draaaaankin':

First off, drankin is not drinking. By a long shot. Drinking is getting drunk quickly, with immediate consequences as well as a hangover (ex., I was drinking at a bar and went home with a rando.) Drankin' is being drunk over extended periods of time, functioning, and making long-term horrible decisions. You won't get kicked out of a bar while drankin', however, you will find yourself having fantasies of a future with Douchenugget #1 after making out with him for a minute and a half. Like I said, horrible decisions.

With the correct alcoholic genes, however, you can decipher the difference between drinking and drankin'. I have, over the past 5 years, learned the difference. So when I see myself hiccup into drankin' land, I take preventative measures.

I love mixed drinks- vodka sodas are my current poison. But when I creep towards drankin', I swap to straight vodka, which I hate. Higher proof? Yes. But I drink waaaay slower. It's all about balance.

You have to know how to balance your life. It is what will keep you sane. Knowing when to stop, when to push forward- incredibly important. Figuring out which investments are worth keeping gets a little foggy, but with any luck, you have good friends who are able to point out when you're making the same mistake a bajillion times in a row, and let you know, "hey, maybe it'd be good for you to, you know, do the opposite of what you always do."

I broke up with J for 48 hours when I saw him in Birmingham. I got spooked, as it has been 6 months, and I flipped a crazy switch. I then proceeded to be miserable, depressed, crying for hours- just a sad sack. I felt like I had simultaneously lost my best friend and ripped out my organs. Yeah, I was the one who did the breaking up, but I was at a complete loss as to what to do. Thankfully, one of my best friends, Ben, was able to point out that this was a normal self-sabotage habit I had developed, and maybe I should try doing anything but what I usually do. So I called J, and apologized. He was good enough to forgive me, and take me back. So now I'm entering a completely new territory for myself: the Long-Term Relationship. Honestly? Scares the ever-loving crap out of me. But he's worth it to me.

Now, if you don't mind, it -is- Cinco de Mayo, and I have gringo drinking to do. ¡Olé!

I wanna play hooky...

I looked at my second-choice location yesterday. It was quite an experience! The building was an old fire station, with amazing open brick walls and the majority of the structure intact. There was a lot of newer refurbished rooms, apparently the place had been used as a recording studio recently (and by recently, I mean 3+ years ago). The more I think about it, I can see my bar/restaurant coming together there. I'm still going to look at a few places, but as long as this place stays available, I might have a winner!

This weekend I need to finish my business plan. I have the majority done, but I'm about to start working on the financial aspect... And numbers terrify me. They literally make me sick to my stomach when I think about them. I don't want to do them at all, but if this is going to work at all, I need to suck it up and finish them up. Then I get to do fun stuff! Jeez. Business plans are like the shittiest grown-up homework ever.

WWID? (What Will I Do?)

Days like today I get restless. It's rainy and gross, and the kitchen at the lounge is excruciatingly slow. My mind wanders, and I wind up thinking about everything from Anne Frank to my future. Whatever lies ahead vis-a-vis J and I aside, I am planning on opening a pub of my own. A German-style affair, but not the kitschy Oktoberfest nonsense most people think of. I desperately want to make this idea come to fruition, and I have most of the details planned for. Currently, the only things holding me back are financing the beast, and myself thinking there's still something I need to learn. Like some sort of entrepreneurial secret I haven't unlocked yet. I can't figure out what, though... I know about the myriad of licenses, fees, trademarking, costs, Point-of-sale machines, scheduling, how to cook, and that I don't know nearly enough about payroll so I should probably hire someone else to do that. I learned about inventory and invoices through retail, too. From an intellectual standpoint, I've got this in the bag.

However, I am purposefully holding back from seeking finances to learn... Something. What could I possibly be waiting for? Really, I should work on finding people to back me so I can just... Start. Leap in. Lots of chef-owner memoirs I've read have said that ignorance starting out was their greatest strength. But am I too informed at this point? Maybe my stalling is merely fear manifesting itself in a way I'm not understanding. Hm. I should start networking a bit more, meet some people who could help me get more motivated...


So, Internet, if you know anyone with a few thousand bucks to loan out, lemme know, k? Hahaha!