Regrounded

I'm technically in the middle of my move. I no longer have an address, but I'm not quite headed to California just yet. I took a pit stop at Intervention, an internet convention in Rockville, MD (http://WWW.interventioncon.com). I've been going to this convention for years, unfortunately missing last year due to work. And holy shit, I needed this weekend! It was an honest intervention in every sense for me.

The stress over the past few weeks has rattled me more than I had realized. I have been a needy, clinging, desperate version of myself that I haven't been since high school. And then I came here, and it felt like home. I still have a pile of responsibilities I need to sort out, but being here? Seeing familiar faces, reminding myself of the person I grew into over the years- it's like I've refreshed as a person. I am not the depressed twit that left Atlanta with shame and tears. I am a stubborn, crass, sweet hellion with the best intentions and the some of the worst jokes. I am going to California to kick ass, make wine, and cook hard. I will be responsible and refuse to grow up. I'm a series of contradictions, and I am so happy I got reminded of that before I lost myself entirely.

I'm making a cocktail to celebrate the occasion. I'm probably going to make it with a sparkling sake base- clean, effervescent, and one of the first alcohols I figured out I enjoyed in Atlanta. Seems appropriate for a new beginning!

"Grounded in the Desert"
Served in a champagne flute

2 parts sparkling sake
1 part St George's Terroir Gin
Dash of angostura bitters
Topped with cranberry juice

Moving, and Fast!

Nothing like moving to cause me to stress the fuck out! Criminy. Although a large portion has been self-inflicted. Since last posting, Nathan and I started dating. I initially thought that it'd be a last, temporary fling before I left Georgia. Then I started getting legitimate feelings,  and tried to push him away by coooonstantly mentioning the move. After all, what fool would stay with someone who was leaving?

That fool. My favorite fool. Because he decided to come with me. So we started planning this undertaking together... and I started working every day, doubles, for the past few weeks. I have never been so tired. But now, the move is a scant week away. I am on the verge of freaking the fuck out. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% committed to the move, and totally ok with the insanity that is moving with a boyfriend. But I don't feel like I am financially ready, nor emotionally ready to leave my dog Clooney behind. Everything will work out, I know that, but old insecurities have a habit of coming back when you least want them to. So keep your fingers crossed for me. I need it right now!

Growth Spurt

My nails have been painted for two weeks straight.

For the first time in over a year.

It is incredible to me. Actually having the free time to do and maintain them, and NOT be panicking over not working? Why, I may actually be becoming a real human being!

Maybe it's because I'm finally not stressed about money as much anymore- it's still a bit tight at the moment,  but I know that it will be fine soon. I'm finally earning enough to mentally justify time off. I can finally repay debts to friends,  and family, and before the year ends. I haven't been able to say that... ever. I will be able to have a not - heinous credit report by December.  In a shockingly roundabout way, I am finally becoming the adult I've thought I should be.

That excites me. It excites me a lot. Because along with the knowledge that I am finally a real adult, in age and in mindset, I will finally feel comfortable pursuing the "grown-up" goals I set for myself years ago- maintain a healthy relationship. Have a child. Return to improv comedy. Start my bar.

My new job is teaching me a lot. Especially about how much I still need to learn. But instead of wanting to throw a fit and bust heads, Adult Me is allowing myself to be calmer, more analytical.  It's a nice change of pace from the ridiculous amounts of anxiety I used to cling to.

Best part?

Adult Me still totally justifies gummi bears for breakfast.  :D