"Hm?" I responded, not quite hearing the server speaking to me.
"This place," he reiterated, flicking his eyes up to glance at the walls, "will make you an alcoholic."
I laughed. "What makes you think I'm not one already?"
I am, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. There are factors I could blame, I suppose, like genetics or yes, kitchens; but really it was all my decision. I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be, either. Compared to when I was 19, I am much closer to complete sobriety now than I ever was then.
I enjoy alcohol. It was definitely an acquired taste, but one I leapt into rather enthusiastically. And it's not just liquor, or beer- I can appreciate just about anything with an ABV content.
The biggest difference I've noticed in my drinking is why I drink. I drank in my earlier years because I was miserable. I hated my job(s), hated where I was, hated myself for my shitty decisions. These days, I have a better handle on things. I have good friends, I have a great job, I have someone I care about a great deal. My reasons for drinking now are usually just social, or I could use a nightcap. The old me would be ashamed of my tolerance now.
And don't get me wrong, it definitely wasn't an easy transition. I honestly can't see myself ever being completely sober. When I get upset or stressed, I still crave vodka/waters and Jack Daniels neat. But I'm learning how to deal with those feelings in slightly less destructive ways. I can't preach to anyone about their bad habits, nor do I ever want to. But I don't ever want people to feel bad for me and the decisions I've made. They taught me everything, and I really wouldn't have everything I've got now without shitloads of terrible decisions and drinking.
Will this place take me back to my old ways? Probably not. At this rate, I'm behaving far better than I ever have. Cheers~
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